Do people you met on Grapevine count?  
 I'm still in touch with most of people I met

You are an exception. They should award you for the grapes you have

Product Manager

Account manager

Consultant

Acche logo ke saath rahoge toh vo dost bhi bangenge! Some of my college mates don’t talk to me anymore as soon as they knew I started earning more than them :)

Software Engineer

Making friends is still somewhat easy. Maintaining friendships is the hard part.

Honestly, made less friends as an adult. I am anyway very introverted so making friends is a bit hard for me. Whatever friends I have till now, they are in touch. Nobody new.

DevOps Engineer

It is hard but not impossible. And I think that’s the biggest reason why a lot of people are rekindling their passion/interests.

Staff Engineer

I guess its difficult to make genuine connections as we age. Also once we hit a certain age, we are picky in things and hesitant to experiment especially in relationships so making good friends becomes a real task

Software Developer

That’s true, because as and when you grow older your tolerance for BS reduces. Remember, smaller the circle, colder the beer.

Marketing Creative

Human resources

But it is difficult to get real friends nowadays my dear

Not coworkers, but otherwise.  Life's hard, sucks most of the time but I feel it would suck a little less if I had some real friends probably.  Looking for ideas.

Not coworkers, but otherwise. 
Life's hard, sucks most of the time but I feel it would suck a little less if I had some real friends probably. 
Looking for ideas.

Has anyone successfully made friends as an adult?

Has anyone successfully made friends as an adult?- Grapevine

Acknowledge Your Feelings:
Accept that you are lonely or have a monotonous life and you need to make the change.

Don't hide behind "I'm an introvert", no you are just lazy and you are ok with living the shitty life, you just want spoon feeding, nothing else.
Be Open to New Experiences. It's all about initiatives, you have to take risks and put yourself in uncomfortable situations.

Do following at least once per week:
Have lunch/dinner/ outside your house.
Watch a movie in the theatre instead on your laptop.
Work from a cafe. Talk to a stranger.
Play a sport/game, you don't have to be good at it. Many people just play for fun.

Find events:Just google "events near me" or "events in bangalore" etc.
Give priority to physical in person experiences instead of digital ones.

Explore your surroundings, go for a walk in the morning or evening, take out time, talk to your neighbours.
Reach Out to Colleagues or Alumni, we all have active fiends, get in touch with them.

Take Classes or Workshops, even if you are not interested. 
Don't hesitate to spend money on experience, see money as investments, not expenses.  
Don't self reject: means don't think about what would happen and just at home, anyway you aren't doing anything.

People took initiatives to start groups & clubs, either start one for your area of interest, or join one.
Practice Self-Care and Stay in Touch with Loved Ones: you know what that means.

All this would impact your personal & professional life as well. You will stop blaming your job/manager/colleagues and accept that you were the problem, it's your choice to change your life.

If you don't do any of this and still cry about your life, hope you know that "nobody cares about your shitty life, nobody is going to come save you, you are on your own and survival of the fittest". If you don't put in the effort, you deserve whatever shitty place you are at.

It might not be as easy, but don't let yourself take advantage of you.

Framework: How to not feel lonely in a new city!

Senior software engineer

Recently I was having a discussion with one "friend" which quickly turned into an argument and now I think we are done with each other forever.
The argument made me realise that the more we grow up, the more we firm the boundaries around us, we make it hard for people to enter into our lives. We stop making compromises, we expect things to happen our way, we stop accepting that even we could be wrong sometimes. 
Even more interesting is how we handle the situations when someone starts questioning our choices, our decisions, our beliefs, we become all defensive and never admit that maybe the foundation of all we stand for is incorrect and needs re-examining. 
All we seek is echo chambers and yesmen in our lives and that's where we go wrong. I wish people weren't like this, I wish I wasn't like this. Perhaps this world would be a peaceful place.
Sorry for the rant, but had to vent it out somehow.

Why is making friends so hard as an adult?

How can I cultivate deep and meaningful relationships / friendships?
 
I've had very few friends since childhood, and now at 26, I feel quite lonely. 

I've noticed that the relationships people form in adulthood, such as at work, tend to be superficial. Without some close-knit relationships, that sense of emptiness never seems to go away.

How can I cultivate deep and meaningful relationships / friendships?

Hey Folks. Here for some advice…

Context: I’m 37. MBA+Engg Grad working. Big Blr Startup. Good Role in Biz. Married (Started dating 12 years back & then got married). 

I’m an extrovert/fairly social (Mostly hang out/around other people/friends around a similar life stage - age/work). Most of my friends from School, Engg & B-School are all over the place (we meet once in a year types), no one in Bangalore. Hanging around with people at work is not something I like to do more than once in a month. My wife, on the other hand, has a good set of friends, with whom I hang out quite regularly (guys & girls). 

For a while now, I’ve been thinking of investing some time into making friends/building relationships outside of my social circle (Not that I’m looking to cheat on my wife, but then sometimes it’s good to hang out with people who aren’t your partner’s friends or are already part of your existing work/social circle). 

In short - I’d like to meet unconnected new people. And I’m realizing that at my age, it’s not so easy to do so without seeming creepy.

About a year back, I met an ex-colleague (28F) over drinks (She was in town and asked if we could meet) - Super attractive and smart. It has 12+ years since I’ve randomly met anyone from the opposite sex alone for a meal/conversation (outside of a work meeting). At first, it was super awkward - uncomfortable pauses, loss of words, asking dumb questions, etc. Luckily, in a bit, alcohol kicked in and then it got much better… We still text & meet if we’re in each other’s cities with some time to spare. That’s when it hit me that I was good at making small talk, but have no idea what to talk about when it’s someone who’s some 10+ years younger. Seems like another generation (which it probably is)… While I felt so, I must also admit, I had a great time to be honest - the conversations were energizing/different and to be honest, a tad exciting too. 

1/2

Advice on meeting new people at 35+

Corporate Strategist

I was focusing on my career and just working - suddenly realised I don't have any good friends. I quit my job, in depression right now. I am also an introvert which makes it very hard for me to go to a public gathering. I also don't smoke/drink. How do I make new friends?

How do you make friends at the age of 33?

Most of us on Grapevine, working in corporate sector might make decent chunk of money if we keep grinding for a decade or two but very few of us would have the social capital (or as they say “networking” in our corporate jargon).
Increasingly realising that the society respects the business owners or govt officers more than any senior leader in an IT firm. There is no social recognition for corporate folks. It might not be relevant for young folks as they still have some residual social recognition of the family for now, but what would happen after a decade or two. Most of the corporate “friends” are no longer in touch except for very rare ones. How does one build a social circle after 10-20 yrs in corporate? Would like to hear from folks above 40 yrs if they’ve had similar thoughts and how are they managing?
Also, What are some ways one can start building social circle overtime while doing a corporate job?

PS: I am referring social capital as having a certain level of stature in society alongwith deep connections with some people living around you who can help you in need or can expect something from you. This is different from LinkedIn networking where primary expectation is referrals.

Service Class has no social capital

Welcome to Software Engineers's Private Community

I have been an introvert all my childhood, pretty shy, with a very small group of friends, and I thought I was the only one who felt lonely sometimes. Since joining college, I realised there are so manyyyy people out there(especially in the dev community) who feel lonely a lot of times. 
I wanna build an app to connect devs. Relationships are what makes our lives fulfilling right. I have the whole idea ready in my mind, and I talked to a couple peeps about my app idea too and they loved it

I wanna cure loneliness

Hi
In final year right now of my BE
My entire college life 
I am feeling left out
No friends, 
If I need something I ask my classmates
It feels odd
It feels week
Why as a MAN I am feeling such emotions

Even accepting the fact myself that path further ahead will be like this only
But still in mind, somewhere
I believe if I had someone to talk to
Someone to share everything I have
It would have been better
Yet again weak thoughts

How as MALE adults you overcome
Or you don't give a f*ck about it
More like "hey, I don't even have time to feel shit"

Pls throw some light on these thoughts
I am open to every discussion

Is feeling lonely, as a MAN, OK?

As I've gotten older, I've found it increasingly difficult to make and maintain friendships. It seems like everyone is too busy or set in their social circles. 

How do you make meaningful connections as an adult?

How to make friends as an adult?

Welcome to Office Gossip's Private Community

Women of grapevine, if you had to share one advice with your younger self what would it be?

Context: I am a software engineer with 4 years of experience.

Everytime I work with a bunch of engineers (Especially Indian Startups). Most of them are workaholics.

They are just working for some company full-time. They are interested in learning more about technology, making jokes about technology, following technology news, etc. 

That is it. 

No social life. (Especially after Covid). No skills in any other part of life.

Their comfort zone is so small that they have developed a lifestyle of working, sleeping & watching something on laptops and that's it.

They make an excellent salary but don't do anything else. 

Every time I meet a 35-40-year-old software engineer, it is just a physically unfit guy with an arranged marriage who is boring as a brick.

Are most Software Engineers boring outside work?

When I look outside my room I feel sad. I can see grey skies of Delhi. It is so cold. No one to hug or embrace.

My heart Is hurting a lot. I dont know why.

I worked so hard. I spend 10-12 hours at work and I have no time for friends and family. I also make good money (86LPA/6YOE). I have no time to spend this money. 

My family is happy with me because I am successful. My gf is happy with me because I can afford her lifestyle and give her nice gifts and experiences.

I am borderline depressed. All my friends are from work. I feel like Patrick Bateman from American Psycho.

what is your deepest Regret in 2023?

Nowadays, it is difficult to maintain friendships (old friends) as many are pursuing dreams and for that one has to shift for other countries/state and the rest busy with there jobs and family business.

New friends are difficult to make where people already have there groups of bunch of friends where they don’t want anyone else to join (old friends groups) & also as the smaller groups are easy to manage and for execution of any plans. 

While growing up due to change in habits (smoking, drinking, etc) of our friends we did lose few.. and now they don’t call me up for any plans!

So, basically i am left alone with nobody by my side apart from cousins of same age (more or less)!

Most of the time, I spend my day working on my business.. or at times, working out or reading books..
But at times, i am left alone with my own thoughts and that feeling at times is exhausting and frustrating and sometimes this loneliness becomes toxic!

Can anyone help..
how can we make friends in midst of all this?

Friend vs Loneliness

Founder

Dating is next to impossible, at least finding friends you can be yourself with should be comparatively easy?!

Is there a course on how to make friends in your 30s?

Product Designer

Welcome to Indian Startups's Private Community

What started as an Instagram-inspired social experiment has turned into a startup idea. (Refer: Men https://grapevine.in/post/808462ef-8ae0-4269-aaa3-c683ba1194bb and women https://grapevine.in/post/6bcaeffa-0cac-44a2-98a5-fc7a14786e85 survey)

Few observations:
1. Our generation has moved on from orthodox thinking (baring few people) to more emotional compatibility
2. Men have more worldly expectations, while women seek spiritual features; none are right/wrong as long as they find each other.
3. Very glad that no one 'expected' the partner to take up gendered roles as dictated by society

So, coming to the matchmaking platform. The idea is to have all aspects of life considered - personality, profession, family, demographics, physical attributes, etc. and have a weighted scale against them.

Though I have my doubts here
1. An Introvert will need an extrovert to seek them but will be drained of social battery later. How do they match?
2. Physical attributes pull down people who aren't confident with their looks; that doesn't relate to how good/bad they are as partners. But without pictures, it will be a risky surprise element.
3. Prevent parents from creating accounts on children's behalf. Probably a social media log-in

Share your thoughts on the compatibility algorithm and the problems we may face.

P.S. I am not a techie, will need someone to actually build this. Will take care of marketing.
Let's help someone find their soulmate ❤️

P.P.S. If this takes off, I will change my username to TimaSaparia

Startup Idea 2: Matrimony Matchmaking

Welcome to IT Company Discussion's Private Community

I'm just looking to make new friends from Bangalore's to have a new network where we can enjoy each other's company, preferably female. i hope i get an opposite friend here from bangalore

Has anyone successfully made friends as an adult?

Discover More

Misc on

by Isaiah Taye

Stealth

Framework: How to not feel lonely in a new city!

Adulting on

by Kendall Carmden

Startup

Why is making friends so hard as an adult?

Misc on

by Kendall Dean

Spinny

How can I cultivate deep and meaningful relationships / friendships?

Adulting on

by Kendall Lee

Stealth

Advice on meeting new people at 35+

Misc on

by Matilda Nadeen

Swiggy

How do you make friends at the age of 33?

Misc on

by Jordon Carmden

Stealth

Service Class has no social capital

Software Engineers on

by Coy Lee

Microsoft

I wanna cure loneliness

Misc on

by Anise Gabriel

Student

Is feeling lonely, as a MAN, OK?

Adulting on

by Kendall Lee

Loadshare

How to make friends as an adult?

Office Gossip on

by Aaron Gabriel

Startup

Women of grapevine, if you had to share one advice with your younger self what would it be?

Software Engineers on

by Jordon Taye

turing.com

Are most Software Engineers boring outside work?

Misc on

by Jordon Vernon

Venture Capital

what is your deepest Regret in 2023?

Office Gossip on

by Kendall Dean

Self Employed

Friend vs Loneliness

Delhi NCR on

by Jordon Olive

NoCompany

Is there a course on how to make friends in your 30s?

Indian Startups on

by Jordon Carmden

Stealth

Startup Idea 2: Matrimony Matchmaking

IT Company Discussion on

by Anise Carmden

Stealth

Looking for friends in Bangalore