No need create new interest rather than making new friends or circle all things you want come from there ( May be you can find people with same interest or new to this )

Software Test- QA

Spend 15 days in KALPAVAS at Mahakumbh, being an adult you’ll have lifetime company

Data analyst

As I've gotten older, I've found it increasingly difficult to make and maintain friendships. It seems like everyone is too busy or set in their social circles.   How do you make meaningful connec...

As I've gotten older, I've found it increasingly difficult to make and maintain friendships. It seems like everyone is too busy or set in their social circles. 

How do you make meaningful connections as an adult?

How to make friends as an adult?

How to make friends as an adult?- Grapevine

Acknowledge Your Feelings:
Accept that you are lonely or have a monotonous life and you need to make the change.

Don't hide behind "I'm an introvert", no you are just lazy and you are ok with living the shitty life, you just want spoon feeding, nothing else.
Be Open to New Experiences. It's all about initiatives, you have to take risks and put yourself in uncomfortable situations.

Do following at least once per week:
Have lunch/dinner/ outside your house.
Watch a movie in the theatre instead on your laptop.
Work from a cafe. Talk to a stranger.
Play a sport/game, you don't have to be good at it. Many people just play for fun.

Find events:Just google "events near me" or "events in bangalore" etc.
Give priority to physical in person experiences instead of digital ones.

Explore your surroundings, go for a walk in the morning or evening, take out time, talk to your neighbours.
Reach Out to Colleagues or Alumni, we all have active fiends, get in touch with them.

Take Classes or Workshops, even if you are not interested. 
Don't hesitate to spend money on experience, see money as investments, not expenses.  
Don't self reject: means don't think about what would happen and just at home, anyway you aren't doing anything.

People took initiatives to start groups & clubs, either start one for your area of interest, or join one.
Practice Self-Care and Stay in Touch with Loved Ones: you know what that means.

All this would impact your personal & professional life as well. You will stop blaming your job/manager/colleagues and accept that you were the problem, it's your choice to change your life.

If you don't do any of this and still cry about your life, hope you know that "nobody cares about your shitty life, nobody is going to come save you, you are on your own and survival of the fittest". If you don't put in the effort, you deserve whatever shitty place you are at.

It might not be as easy, but don't let yourself take advantage of you.

Framework: How to not feel lonely in a new city!

Senior software engineer

Recently I was having a discussion with one "friend" which quickly turned into an argument and now I think we are done with each other forever.
The argument made me realise that the more we grow up, the more we firm the boundaries around us, we make it hard for people to enter into our lives. We stop making compromises, we expect things to happen our way, we stop accepting that even we could be wrong sometimes. 
Even more interesting is how we handle the situations when someone starts questioning our choices, our decisions, our beliefs, we become all defensive and never admit that maybe the foundation of all we stand for is incorrect and needs re-examining. 
All we seek is echo chambers and yesmen in our lives and that's where we go wrong. I wish people weren't like this, I wish I wasn't like this. Perhaps this world would be a peaceful place.
Sorry for the rant, but had to vent it out somehow.

Why is making friends so hard as an adult?

Software Engineer

Not coworkers, but otherwise. 
Life's hard, sucks most of the time but I feel it would suck a little less if I had some real friends probably. 
Looking for ideas.

Has anyone successfully made friends as an adult?

Account manager

I was focusing on my career and just working - suddenly realised I don't have any good friends. I quit my job, in depression right now. I am also an introvert which makes it very hard for me to go to a public gathering. I also don't smoke/drink. How do I make new friends?

How do you make friends at the age of 33?

Product Manager

How can I cultivate deep and meaningful relationships / friendships?
 
I've had very few friends since childhood, and now at 26, I feel quite lonely. 

I've noticed that the relationships people form in adulthood, such as at work, tend to be superficial. Without some close-knit relationships, that sense of emptiness never seems to go away.

How can I cultivate deep and meaningful relationships / friendships?

Welcome to Office Gossip's Private Community

Nowadays, it is difficult to maintain friendships (old friends) as many are pursuing dreams and for that one has to shift for other countries/state and the rest busy with there jobs and family business.

New friends are difficult to make where people already have there groups of bunch of friends where they don’t want anyone else to join (old friends groups) & also as the smaller groups are easy to manage and for execution of any plans. 

While growing up due to change in habits (smoking, drinking, etc) of our friends we did lose few.. and now they don’t call me up for any plans!

So, basically i am left alone with nobody by my side apart from cousins of same age (more or less)!

Most of the time, I spend my day working on my business.. or at times, working out or reading books..
But at times, i am left alone with my own thoughts and that feeling at times is exhausting and frustrating and sometimes this loneliness becomes toxic!

Can anyone help..
how can we make friends in midst of all this?

Friend vs Loneliness

Founder

Welcome to Software Engineers's Private Community

Context: I am a software engineer with 4 years of experience.

Everytime I work with a bunch of engineers (Especially Indian Startups). Most of them are workaholics.

They are just working for some company full-time. They are interested in learning more about technology, making jokes about technology, following technology news, etc. 

That is it. 

No social life. (Especially after Covid). No skills in any other part of life.

Their comfort zone is so small that they have developed a lifestyle of working, sleeping & watching something on laptops and that's it.

They make an excellent salary but don't do anything else. 

Every time I meet a 35-40-year-old software engineer, it is just a physically unfit guy with an arranged marriage who is boring as a brick.

Are most Software Engineers boring outside work?

Software Developer

Hey Folks. Here for some advice…

Context: I’m 37. MBA+Engg Grad working. Big Blr Startup. Good Role in Biz. Married (Started dating 12 years back & then got married). 

I’m an extrovert/fairly social (Mostly hang out/around other people/friends around a similar life stage - age/work). Most of my friends from School, Engg & B-School are all over the place (we meet once in a year types), no one in Bangalore. Hanging around with people at work is not something I like to do more than once in a month. My wife, on the other hand, has a good set of friends, with whom I hang out quite regularly (guys & girls). 

For a while now, I’ve been thinking of investing some time into making friends/building relationships outside of my social circle (Not that I’m looking to cheat on my wife, but then sometimes it’s good to hang out with people who aren’t your partner’s friends or are already part of your existing work/social circle). 

In short - I’d like to meet unconnected new people. And I’m realizing that at my age, it’s not so easy to do so without seeming creepy.

About a year back, I met an ex-colleague (28F) over drinks (She was in town and asked if we could meet) - Super attractive and smart. It has 12+ years since I’ve randomly met anyone from the opposite sex alone for a meal/conversation (outside of a work meeting). At first, it was super awkward - uncomfortable pauses, loss of words, asking dumb questions, etc. Luckily, in a bit, alcohol kicked in and then it got much better… We still text & meet if we’re in each other’s cities with some time to spare. That’s when it hit me that I was good at making small talk, but have no idea what to talk about when it’s someone who’s some 10+ years younger. Seems like another generation (which it probably is)… While I felt so, I must also admit, I had a great time to be honest - the conversations were energizing/different and to be honest, a tad exciting too. 

1/2

Advice on meeting new people at 35+

Corporate Strategist

Welcome to Indian Startups's Private Community

What started as an Instagram-inspired social experiment has turned into a startup idea. (Refer: Men https://grapevine.in/post/808462ef-8ae0-4269-aaa3-c683ba1194bb and women https://grapevine.in/post/6bcaeffa-0cac-44a2-98a5-fc7a14786e85 survey)

Few observations:
1. Our generation has moved on from orthodox thinking (baring few people) to more emotional compatibility
2. Men have more worldly expectations, while women seek spiritual features; none are right/wrong as long as they find each other.
3. Very glad that no one 'expected' the partner to take up gendered roles as dictated by society

So, coming to the matchmaking platform. The idea is to have all aspects of life considered - personality, profession, family, demographics, physical attributes, etc. and have a weighted scale against them.

Though I have my doubts here
1. An Introvert will need an extrovert to seek them but will be drained of social battery later. How do they match?
2. Physical attributes pull down people who aren't confident with their looks; that doesn't relate to how good/bad they are as partners. But without pictures, it will be a risky surprise element.
3. Prevent parents from creating accounts on children's behalf. Probably a social media log-in

Share your thoughts on the compatibility algorithm and the problems we may face.

P.S. I am not a techie, will need someone to actually build this. Will take care of marketing.
Let's help someone find their soulmate ❤️

P.P.S. If this takes off, I will change my username to TimaSaparia

Startup Idea 2: Matrimony Matchmaking

Consultant

You Are The Average Of The Five People You Spend The Most Time With
or There's also the "show me your friends and I'll show you your future" derivative.

And I don't have friends who share my vision in life. They are great friends, no doubt.
Female friends have married, left work or working in one company for stability. 
Male friends are working but not ambitious on money (nothing wrong, it is just how I view it)

I'm not unhappy, but I would appreciate being surrounded by people who have the zeal to make life bet.ter

Friendships after an age

What are your thoughts on making friends at work? I don’t just mean acquaintances, like deep, intimate friendships. 
When I started off I was given an advice to never make relationships at work be more deeper than it should be. 4 years later, I still follow that to the dot.

What are your thoughts?

Making friends at work

Most of us on Grapevine, working in corporate sector might make decent chunk of money if we keep grinding for a decade or two but very few of us would have the social capital (or as they say “networking” in our corporate jargon).
Increasingly realising that the society respects the business owners or govt officers more than any senior leader in an IT firm. There is no social recognition for corporate folks. It might not be relevant for young folks as they still have some residual social recognition of the family for now, but what would happen after a decade or two. Most of the corporate “friends” are no longer in touch except for very rare ones. How does one build a social circle after 10-20 yrs in corporate? Would like to hear from folks above 40 yrs if they’ve had similar thoughts and how are they managing?
Also, What are some ways one can start building social circle overtime while doing a corporate job?

PS: I am referring social capital as having a certain level of stature in society alongwith deep connections with some people living around you who can help you in need or can expect something from you. This is different from LinkedIn networking where primary expectation is referrals.

Service Class has no social capital

I have been an introvert all my childhood, pretty shy, with a very small group of friends, and I thought I was the only one who felt lonely sometimes. Since joining college, I realised there are so manyyyy people out there(especially in the dev community) who feel lonely a lot of times. 
I wanna build an app to connect devs. Relationships are what makes our lives fulfilling right. I have the whole idea ready in my mind, and I talked to a couple peeps about my app idea too and they loved it

I wanna cure loneliness

Women of grapevine, if you had to share one advice with your younger self what would it be?

Human resources

In the first place, adult friendships made in office seem so superficial to me. You spend so much of your time with them, you mistake proximity for compatibility. 

I've made only two friends who I consider true friends here in 2 years, but only one of them considers me a true friend back. The other lady leans on me as an emotional crutch, but will hopefully forget about me when her life gets on track.

Touching grass, meeting people and all is fine, but how do people connect? 

Moving from a academic setting to a professional setting in a completely new city has been very challenging. The social protocols are different. Many adults are hurt, and stressed and don't allow friends to come close. 

Maybe I am painting the entire world in the colour my eyes see, but I really want to hear your stories!

How did you make friends when you moved to a new city?

Internal Audit

I saw a friend tweet about how Bangalore is full of connected but lonely people jumping in to join every Meetup/WhatsApp group that becomes available. This is my problem with the meetup / conference culture. Meetup culture is all about optionality. You think you'll meet someone new who's cool. Someone who can help you build your network. 

You would rather join a meetup with 100 other strangers than build stronger connections with your friends. In life there are only a few people who really matter. 

People who you can call at 11 PM to rant about your workday. People who you know will be genuinely happy about your promotion. People you share screenshots from work with. It is not probably the 100 strangers in that Whatsapp group that you think of when you are having a health issue and want to share your fears. It also means lowering your ego, which I'm happy to do with my old friends. I'm always happy to ping them when I get the chance, and I'm the one asking them to call me. 

I'm the one who asks them to hang out with me. I used to think, "Why bother?" but then I realised that it doesn't matter who reaches out first. It is not about keeping a count. 

I realised it's for me! If I have a chat with a friend of mine who I have known for over 10 years, my mood improves immediately. Everyone is very busy. Everyone is stressed with their jobs and their personal lives. Some of them are married now. Some have children. But that's where you've got to work to keep connecting with the people who matter to you. Friendship is also about being vulnerable. True friendship is built on vulnerability. 

Being able to share your dreams, your failures and your demons with each other. While the meetup culture is all about bumping into people for 5 minutes to judge their worth and whether they are worth your time, my preference is for long 1-1s. Either on the phone or face to face. I am happy to meet just one person over the weekend and have hours of conversation about work, life or wha

Connected by Lonely in Bangalore (viral online post)

Business Development Manager

I have been on a permanent wfh role since covid. Yes, been 2+ years since I stepped into an office. I stay alone and have little expenses but also 0 social life. Friends are all spread out. Not on any dating app because its exhausting. Can someone just talk about any impacts on their personal life from work life? Does anyone here feel a void too? I’d love to connect.

How to make friends as an adult?

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