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Connected by Lonely in Bangalore (viral online post)

I saw a friend tweet about how Bangalore is full of connected but lonely people jumping in to join every Meetup/WhatsApp group that becomes available. This is my problem with the meetup / conference culture. Meetup culture is all about optionality. You think you'll meet someone new who's cool. Someone who can help you build your network.

You would rather join a meetup with 100 other strangers than build stronger connections with your friends. In life there are only a few people who really matter.

People who you can call at 11 PM to rant about your workday. People who you know will be genuinely happy about your promotion. People you share screenshots from work with. It is not probably the 100 strangers in that Whatsapp group that you think of when you are having a health issue and want to share your fears. It also means lowering your ego, which I'm happy to do with my old friends. I'm always happy to ping them when I get the chance, and I'm the one asking them to call me.

I'm the one who asks them to hang out with me. I used to think, "Why bother?" but then I realised that it doesn't matter who reaches out first. It is not about keeping a count.

I realised it's for me! If I have a chat with a friend of mine who I have known for over 10 years, my mood improves immediately. Everyone is very busy. Everyone is stressed with their jobs and their personal lives. Some of them are married now. Some have children. But that's where you've got to work to keep connecting with the people who matter to you. Friendship is also about being vulnerable. True friendship is built on vulnerability.

Being able to share your dreams, your failures and your demons with each other. While the meetup culture is all about bumping into people for 5 minutes to judge their worth and whether they are worth your time, my preference is for long 1-1s. Either on the phone or face to face. I am happy to meet just one person over the weekend and have hours of conversation about work, life or wha

6mo ago
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GigglyWalrus
GigglyWalrus
Stealth6mo

Friends sabke paas nahi hote Lakshman 🥲 Translation (in spirit,not literal): Not everyone is lucky to have friends, Lakshman (edited dialogue from Main Hoon Na)

DizzyLlama
DizzyLlama
Freelancer6mo

Translation ki zarurat nahi thi. Main hoon na is an iconic movie❤️

GigglyWalrus
GigglyWalrus
Stealth6mo

It's for all my non-Hindi-speaking bois n girls 😄

GroovyWalrus
GroovyWalrus
Stealth6mo

People confuse network with Community. What people need is community, who are with you in your worse times.

WobblyRaccoon
WobblyRaccoon
Hexagon6mo

Grapevine

DizzyLlama
DizzyLlama
Freelancer6mo

Hey @MT_Ego , I resonate with your way of thinking. Believe me, I have tried this. I just gave up thinking it's not my cup of tea. Here's my reasoning -

  1. I love 1:1s with people. The most exciting thing is to get to know them. I love it when people are vulnerable with me, they wanna share their happiness and especially insecurities, secrets, pain etc. But, I find that most people in my surrounding consider it a weakness to showcase vulnerability and I am considered boring for doing that. They always wanna have fun, do fun things, always joke, etc, but never have honest conversations. And, I tried, but I am not that "always fun person". I truly enjoy having serious talks
  2. Since I am not the person who can initiate fun things and have done things on my own starting from most older childhood till today, I don't really have people who wanna hang out with me on their own. My roommate on other hand, is smart with words and can actually make conversation interesting by making funny stories etc, and people wanna hangout with him. And I for love of my life, feel really bad that I am not able to do that. It ain't that I haven't got friends(i have, some are really close), it's just, I envision a different life for me, but I don't feel I will be the person who will have that
  3. I observe people and things and I don't get society, how to form meaningful connections. The moment I consciously try to form connections, I believe I don't come off well, as a lot of time, they never turn out to be more than acquaintances
PerkyWalrus
PerkyWalrus
CARS246mo

🫂

DizzyLlama
DizzyLlama
Freelancer6mo

Didn't realise I would be able to relate to 6 people😅

FluffyRaccoon
FluffyRaccoon
Novo Nordisk6mo

No matter how many friends you have, loneliness still can strike if no one is available (for any reason). Dealing with this right now, trying to figure out what to do because I can't even figure out who to talk to. It happens. Meetups, more than providing a network of strangers, gives a medium to distract ourselves and potentially meet a stranger with shared interests. (what's the harm in one more friend?)

ZoomyNoodle
ZoomyNoodle
Intel6mo

I have attended multiple meetups with the intention of connecting with 5 to 10 new people. However, I have found that I don't maintain these connections, so it feels like just talking to new people in the moment. Afterwards, I go back to my own place, and these new folks they become just another connection on LinkedIn.

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