Don't want to get married for the whole life.

29 years old married guy here. Until 5 months back, I used to think the same. I never saw the need to compromise on my choices. My parents were looking matches for me, and I did meet some folks. About an year ago, last February, I did think I met the right person, proposed her too. Didn't work out because of financial expectations. Issue was with her parents. They were so wealthy with generational wealth and that was the problem, even though I earned 12x of what she earns. That's when I went into a bit of despair, thought I'd never marry again.

About five months back, I met a girl who again called me because my parents gave her my number. And she was in the same situation as you. She called, just because her parents forced her to.

Today I'm married to her. So what changed?

The very first topic was how parents were forcing this thing on us. Happened on both sides. I didn't want to, and she didn't want to either.

Then we started talking like friends, we both were in the same boat. We discussed the bad apples we met earlier. She met really horrible guys (one even asked her to meet his mom and she wanted to test her cooking skills, for real) and I met some horrible girls (one demanded that I should take her on a domestic trip every six months for a week and then on an international trip every year and let her go shopping twice a month). We cussed these bad apples together, and laughed about them. Our very first call was 2 hours long and we spent 100 minutes just cussing those bad apples. We liked this conversation, decided to be friends, and started going out on morning walks together.

There we used to discuss fears, like what if scenarios. Today we are married not because we have the same favourites, but because we share the same fears about futures. It took us three months of morning walks to decide to be there for each other. That's three months of discussing our fears. Fears such as how to deal with parents' expectations, religious pressures, if at all we plan for children how are we going to provide for them, etc.,

Now what are my suggestions to you?

Don't marry just because your parents want you to. But don't stop meeting people as well. I met a prospective match once, but along the way, we decided it is better to be friends and we are friends professionally.

Nobody knows what they really want in their partner for life. Instead, just look for what you definitely don't want in your partner and filter them out. With the rest, explore. You'll never know a person initially because people will be in the impression game.

Discuss your fears, but at the same time, look for people who have similar or same fears as you. That way, you both will have the same goal of overcoming it. People might have different perspectives though, so maybe if not a match, you'll see life from a different angle.

Good luck sis!

A therapist is where you need to go, idk why us indians try to look for solutions from random strangers in Internet lol. But whatever it is you feel just trust me and go visit and good therapist and you’ll understand yourself much better

Hi! So you’re concerned about convincing your parents?
My story is a bit odd. So bear with me and know I’m doing fine. My mom died a few years ago, some close people blamed me for her death. They said worries of me not getting married got to her. While I can’t help but wonder they’re right, the reasons for her health weren’t in my control. She died of a sugar spike and heart attack while being perfectly healthy just a few day back. What I did wonder post her death was the life she lived.

I’m a guy, and I didn’t see my mom for the woman/ girl she was. I couldn’t see her beyond the role of a mother. She didn’t either. I wish she wasn’t so busy, I wish I had learnt to cook for myself and the family. I wish she got a childhood that encouraged her to be free, I wish she thought beyond marriage and children. I wish she had a full life and I wish I had made space in my life a few times to bring her even a centimetre towards that. Maybe try to bring them to that. Seeing your comfort in expressing this I think you too like to be alone and enjoy your company and what life brings with it. Try to bring that to your parents as well.

I’ve since brought my dad to swimming and now he’s a regular swimmer. I still haven’t been able to convince my dad for vacations much and we don’t gel so well to be able to do it but you could definitely try that.

I talked with dad about life in the few years we’ve been grieving. And my decision to stay single and childfree has been fairly recent 1- 2 years (idea of childfree 3 years or so) and he’s understood what I’m trying to say. He’s tried to connect with us on a fundamental level (I’ve tried to and he’s understood ) and really thought of how could we now go about living our best life with whatever we’ve got. I’m sure he’ll bounce back at me some day in societal pressure and his 50 years of society conditioning but maybe the truth will speak for itself and he won’t.

Shaadi ka laddu kha ke bhi pachtaoge na kha ke bhi pachtaoge😅 isse accha hai kha ke pachtao!

😂😂 well same situation for me😂😂 the things i can do is laugh and stay with time nothing i can do almost Ghost for 1.4 year as day pases it no healing well i decide to do some meditation and run my life from passive to active so from Infosys ki Gareeb wali salary main se 3-4 mahine main kuch bcha kr bas trip plan krta rahta hoon 🥂

Aurat 😂😂 Welcome to the club girl! 🙌
It is difficult out here

Hmmm are u social hermit or u love ur privacy 🤔?

Well, opinions and thoughts do change over a period of time. What if you find someone in future who can change your views on relationships? And that person becomes the one you get ready to take plunge with? Overthinking on this at this point doesn’t make sense.

As someone who had been in similar situation, I can tell you that the answer to your question lies within yourself. Every person is different emotionally, mentally and surrounded by different circumstances. I went through a breakup after 7.5 years into relationship and I just couldn't overcome it for next 2 years. After that, I thought it's better to stay alone and not marry. Honestly, considering my eldest sister also did not marry for her own reasons, I could still have convinced my parents if I went into rebel mode but then my father became critically ill and this thing exposed my vulnerable side and made me realise how badly I wanted someone emotionally. Then I decided to get married. Unfortunately, I had lost my father till then and there is a regret that I still carry within me that it I would have realised my vulnerabilities earlier in some other way, he would have been alive to witness my marriage

So, the answer depends on you. Are you vulnerable on any level? Do you think you won't have any regret later? If your answer is No, then just stay with your decision of not marrying. I can just share from my experience, rest your therapist is the best person to guide you.

Saw my parents struggle and saw so many awful relationships/marriages growing up that I am no longer able to feel any sexual or romantic feelings towards anyone - nor do I see any point in dating, marriage or having kids.

Every single time I insist upon being alone and single, my family makes fun of me and never takes me seriously enough cuz they think it’s a phase.

I will probably go for higher studies if possible and even pursue masters and PhD if it means postponing any talks of marriage possible, to be honest.

Not exactly the same as your situation, but I’m glad to know I’m not alone when it comes to not entertaining marriage/relationship. I hope whatever the future holds for you - whether it is romance or freedom, I hope you find the happiness you have been looking for, fellow human being. 💜