BiryaniEnthu

[Long Post] Not teaching men to express emotions has hurt society more than we realize

It's great that younger men are recognizing this as a problem. The solution becomes easier from here.

Read a report on senior couples: 60% of men consider their wives to be their best friends, while only 30% of women say the same for their husbands. Women tend to have more diverse relationships, with husbands, kids, extended family, and friends. This is one reason why you see widows managing life better than widowers. In couples married for 50 years or more, men often pass away soon after their wives.

Another example is when kids get into relationships or marry for love, their mothers often have adverse reactions. This can happen when fathers don't emotionally attend to the family (or don't know), and mothers become overly attached to their kids because that's their only source of attention and love.

In the Ranbir Kapoor x Nikhil Kamath podcast, Ranbir talks about his father's last days. Rishi Kapoor would come to him in tears, ruminating on his life and regrets. Ranbir had never seen his father like this and didn't know how to react. Haven't you heard men say someone was crying and they didn't know how to help?

Men haven't seen emotions expressed openly, because at home, their fathers, "the breadwinners," couldn't slack off, admit mistakes, or show weakness. They don't know how to show love to their wives and kids, even if they love them deeply.

How can we change this pattern and raise a generation of men who are emotionally intelligent and expressive?

3mo ago4.2K views

threadpool

Paytm3mo

How it has hurt the society? It has done good for the society. It depends how we think expressing emotions means. Think of emotions as energies build up, and men express it in their art, in their work. In the sports. In the war. Men do express emotions. Showing no weakness. No crying. What if the whole family is looking up to that man? And you want him to show the weakness? You want him to cry? No sir. We would rather tell them it's going to be okay. And we will make it okay. What if out of weakness and sorrow of his father death, man could not carry his father body on his funeral? When the whole family is grieving. Men should never show weakness and become vulnerable.

boredcorporate

Others3mo

I’m sorry, but @threadpool makes sense. Idk if it’s his arguments or the name.

BiryaniEnthu

Stealth3mo

Being pillar of strength when situation demands is not a problem. But bottling up emotions, unable to express them shouldn't be glorified.

StanleyHudson

Stealth3mo

As a guy whenever I have tried to express emotions, it has only pushed me towards depression.

NOT RECOMMENDED

BiryaniEnthu

Stealth3mo

Expressed to wrong people 🥺

StanleyHudson

Stealth3mo

Right ones turn into the wrong ones once they found I aint "manly" enough for being perceptive. My upbringing never taught me to conceal my emotions just because I am a guy. My mom has always been vocal about equality even before it was a thing. But sadly the society thinks otherwise

aeiou

Stealth3mo

Is the trait of suppressing their emotions something men have learnt in the recent past? That is - a culture trait?

Or is it evolutionary? Could it be that females over thousands of years of evolution preferred men who suppressed their emotions over the ones who expressed? Just like how peahens preferred bigger tailed peacocks over others.

So, by natural selection, men today have the trait of suppressing emotions by default?
Do women today, on average prefer men who express their emotions and cry openly over the ones who suppress it and say everything is alright? Or is it vice-versa?

BiryaniEnthu

Stealth3mo

Great perspective
Didn't think of it that way Now I realise, even women are responsible for this upbringing.
It has always been my mother telling my brother to not cry or be weak. I'll Start keeping a tab on my thinking too

LooseGoose

Stealth3mo

Exactly my point too in a different comment. No one ever holds the women responsible for this , even though women also raise the very same men in their families.

The men who expressed themselves were punished by women instead of being loved, it is natural that they will stop expressing over time.

boredcoder

Freelancer3mo

True, unexpressed emotions cause different behaviour issues, then this emotional baggage is passed on to one generation to other till one generation says enough is enough

threadpool

Paytm3mo

@boredcoder exactly. Hence there is a need to be strong. To break this vicious cycle. Ceo roars on manager, manager on employee, employee on his wife, his wife on her child, child on their toy/doll, later when growing up on others. Only the strong one can break this cycle, if he keeps on expressing it now and then he would not grow as a strong man. Emotions should be understood. To understand and process them one should be strong enough. Not to pile them up on stack and cause an overflow. Channelise them. Using physical pursuits.

boredcoder

Freelancer3mo

One Solution to question you asked, one book written by Daniel Goleman, "Emotional Intelligence"

BiryaniEnthu

Stealth3mo

Sirf mere padhne se kaise thik hoga 🥺

boredcoder

Freelancer3mo

Yes,will not solve issue, All men needs to read this

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Curated from across

BiryaniEnthuStealth3mo

Why do men just suddenly go quiet?

Fathers, brothers, friends- they will be happy cheerful jolly one day and next day silence! Won't share what's bothering them

If we ask too many times, then we are termed as nagging

7.2K views

StanleyHudsonStealth7mo

(Rant) Why are most women least bothered about men's mental health ?

I grew up with 5 sisters (1 real and 4 cousin), I am aware about the pain and the tribulation that women go through and have always been supporting women in general.

I was shocked to see the opposite when I stepped into the real world. ...