There's this coworker who comes off as extremely aggressive during discussions and individual interactions. This is causing a shift in entire team's environment in the wrong direction. Personally this is causing me to avoid getting into discussions with them. I'm looking for ways to deal with this person and keep the work environment peaceful.
Here are some of the observations about their behaviour:
Highly opinionated and treat others who have a different opinion as hostile.
When someone else is trying to explain something which needs to be explained serially A -> B -> C, and they are interested in C, they get restless and start badgerring with questions about C while the other person is still on A.
In discussions, which require a deep understanding of the product, which they do not have yet, instead of admitting that they have doubts and asking questions, they try to act as if they understood it when clearly they didn't because their senior was present. For instance, they paid attention in the beginning and then got busy on their phone during the meeting and when asked if they understood, they just told the agenda of the meeting instead of what was discussed.
This is what tipped me off the edge. During a meeting which didn't involve their senior, they got easily frustrated when others were giving an opinion different from theirs and pointing out the issues with their opinion. After a couple of minutes, it turned into a heated argument and they started raising their voice and started making illogical sarcastic remarks. And after a bit of that they changed their tone into rude frustrated disinterest and rudely remarked "do whatever you want to do".
So far we have tried to use humor to deescalate the situation. But this is clearly not gonna work in the long run, and their behaviour is getting worse day by day.
I am trying to avoid a confrontation with them because it is not my place and I don't want it to get ugly.
Address the behavior directly but calmly. Use "I" statements to express how their actions affect you, like "I feel uncomfortable when discussions become heated."
Clearly state your expectations for respectful communication and stick to them. Don't engage in arguments or sarcasm.
Keep a record of specific instances of aggression for reference if needed later.
If the behavior persists, escalate the issue to your manager or HR with your documented incidents.
Talk to other colleagues who may be experiencing similar challenges for advice and solidarity.
Remember it is essential to address the behavior constructively while maintaining professionalism and respect. Take care, I hope things get better for you asap!
Thanks, these are really helpful tips. I'll definitely need to keep a record somewhere. Should I drop an email to the manager or is there any way that you can recommend?
If I were in your shoes I would first have a conversation with the aggressive colleague, if nothing comes out of it then I would first build the initial background for this conversation. Basically, briefly mention this on a one-on-one with the Manager, the other day this happened, it was very odd, the heated discussion left me feeling xyz... I could see the team was feeling the brunt too. Something along those lines. Then let your Manager wait and observe. Once this incident happens again, make sure you and your manager both are aligned on what went right, what went wrong, what can other team members do on their part and what can the aggressive colleague do on his/her part. Once the alignment is there, you won't need to drop an email. Drop an email only if the HR or Manager asks you to because dropping an email is a big step. Basically make sure you only drop the email if and only when sh*t hits the fan and you and everyone on the team has done everything that they could possibly do to mitigate this situation.
This happened at one of the orgs where I worked. There was this one person who was strongly opinionated and wouldn’t listen to others’ opinions. Instead would say “I agree to disagree” in almost all instances. This was creating unnecessary problems within teams.
Individually, a lot of folks complained against the person and there was a HR enquiry against which proofs of instances were shared and the person was relieved from their duties.
Would request you and similar folks to record instances and put forward your grievances with the HR. They would definitely work forward to find a solution.
Thanks, I'd definitely be keeping records. Should I drop an email to the manager or is there any other way that you can recommend?
I really hope it does not escalate to this point.
The first and foremost thing would be to informally inform the manager(who may or may not try to solve from their end). The manager anyways would involve HR. Pls don’t share any proof right away. You never know the relationship between your manager and the person. Sometimes, information may get shared as well. It’s always better if there are other team members who can vouch for similar treatment.
Only when asked if there is any proof, you may proceed to tell.
Try Nvc- non violent communication
Hmmm I'll try to understand it
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