Rant on Personal Life

I'm unsure where to begin but this is what life has been lately. I lost my father last month and even if he was not well, his death has been quite sudden. It's like all hell broke loose on me. There was no time for grieving and with that, the sheer amount of work regarding money and other official things.

I am living in Bengaluru for last 1.5 years and did my first job switch last week amidst all of this. even though I got WFH from now, I have to go to the Bengaluru office monthly. Apart from the travel, I am really clueless about how to handle the finances (Rent, Deposit, Setup Costs). Plus I want to buy my mother's health insurance cover. It's not like I can't afford all of these, I just haven't made any substantial savings and broke if I combine all expenses. Don't want to take up the money from my parent, because it kind of hurts my self-respect. I get angry in haste and feel fearful all the time. Also, it kills me to think, that I could not save my father. I don't think I did enough for him. I feel defeated, from all ends.

I feel a sudden spurt of energy then I feel very down as if nothing holds any meaning. I just make sure I don't come off as a weak person to my mother, who is looking up to me. I just make sure I don't cry in front of her. But somehow, I have to grasp this whole situation in my control, because there is no other way out.

It might come as a sob post, but in actuality, I am not looking for pity. Although, I would like it if someone could help me with my finances, even a bit.