I’m a 25-year-old woman who met a guy on Instagram for design mentorship. Over time, he started showing interest in me. I have a very difficult past, filled with struggles that made it hard for me to trust anyone. Being an only child, I grew up taking a lot of family stress. I craved love and attention, but I was often betrayed in relationships and friendships. My childhood and teenage years were full of pain, and I was always the one giving in relationships-be it with my parents, boyfriends, or friends-but rarely got anything in return.
This guy gave me a lot of assurances, saying he’d always support me and be there for me. I was desperate for love and care, so I believed him and got into a relationship with him. Back then, I wasn’t working, so all my attention was on him. But after I got a job and moved to Bangalore, he started having issues with my schedule.
Things started getting worse. After every fight, he would give me the silent treatment, which was really painful. I only have two friends-a male and a female-and they are my support system. Once, I attended my male friend’s birthday lunch. It was a group of 7-8 people, and I wore a saree for the occasion. Later, this guy saw a selfie I posted with my female friend and started abusing me, accusing me of wearing the saree for my male friend and even suggesting I might be sleeping with him.
Hearing this broke my heart because he knows what kind of person I am. I ignored him for six months after this because I couldn’t handle his behavior anymore. Then, he came all the way from Hyderabad to Bangalore to meet me. I still loved him, and when I saw him, I forgot everything. I was so happy and spent quality time with him. Things were fine for three months after that, but then he started the same cycle again-silent treatment after silly fights and taunting me for not communicating well in the relationship.
I also have PCOD, which started due to stress and some abuse I faced during college. That time was traumatic for me, and the stress affected my health. Living in a PG in Bangalore and eating unhealthy food has made things worse. My immunity is weak, and I’ve been taking antibiotics constantly for the past few months. I don’t have the energy or motivation to work out, but I am trying slowly. Instead of supporting me, he taunts me, saying I can’t do anything and makes me feel like a loser.
During one of his silent treatments, I was mentally drained and needed someone to talk to. I first called my female friend, but she was busy, so I called my male friend and cried to him. This helped me feel better, but when this guy found out, he got angry. He thinks I should only depend on him emotionally, even though he isn’t there for me when I need support.
He also has a problem with how I manage my money. I earn ₹60K and send ₹30K to my parents every month because they need my support. I’m happy with the ₹30K I keep for myself, but he taunts me, saying I should send only ₹10K to my parents and spend the rest on myself. He doesn’t understand my situation or responsibilities.
He also says things like he needs a “healthy wife” who can take care of his family, not someone like me who can’t even work out for 10 minutes. He discourages me instead of helping me heal. Recently, he gave me an ultimatum - he said I need to change myself by December 25, or he’ll leave me. He hasn’t even told his parents about me, but he blackmails me by saying he’ll send his bio for an arranged marriage.
I feel like this isn’t love anymore - it feels like a business deal. Love should heal, but his behavior is breaking me. My parents are also pressuring me to get married, and I feel exhausted mentally and physically. I still love him, but I don’t know if I should move on or stay.
I am so exhausted. Please help me.
Clearly, you have got stuck with a controlling and toxic boyfriend. Your mistake is, you went running back to him despite noticing the signs. And I suspect you will do that all over again. The reason for my suspicion is, you seem lacking in self-esteem and self-belief, you get alone and long for love and support; that can be dangerous.
First, you need to be strong. I get surprised to see even well educated, financially self-dependent people like you behaving so lacking in self-esteem. I mean what good is your education, and all your effort in study if you can’t stand for yourself!!
You are just 25, do you know that there must be lakhs of people of age more than you who have never been in any serious romantic relationships? I mean, why do such relationships start meaning so much that it can feel like a make or break thing?
Point being, get off such silly things, get a hold onto yourself first, find a hobby, some passion, something enjoyable to do. Focus on your career, switch job, get onto better paying job, go around and visit newer, nicer places. There are enough solo travelling folks around, you can try that.
And most of all, much before his ultimatum comes into sight, you yourself inform him that you are cutting off all contacts with him, and that he should not come running to your city to meet you ever. Don’t let anyone disrespect you in the way that he has been doing, have some self-respect.
Thanks for this. Much needed suggestion.
Finding a hobby is a great advice tbh. Found so many great people, just from looking a bit. From OPs post, it seems they want a positive friend group more than a partner tbh. Finding a hobby, going outside and meeting new people, is possibly the best way to find the kind of people you wanna be around. And not be stressed and think and rethink your every action.
Similar story but I'm male and 10 yrs of relationship she left me in pain when I needed her most even after convinced my parents for marriage everything I did for her but she got new guy and betrayed me highschool love 🙂 once she got wings she flied as an only child to my parents so much drama happened in my life emotionally I'm so weak but I gave her all support like she has serious anemia issue I took care of her in every stage but what I asked in return just loyalty and love in the end I got a big trauma which I can't even face tried to end life also then my parents giving me support just can't even share my story with anyone as I don't have any friends also I only need to understand everyone I only need to love but why I never get what I give 🙂🙂🙂🙂 life is just beating bad but yeah you should move on love means support care and mutual understanding that is clearly lacking in your story just move on
Stay strong and don't give a fuck to anyone... Love your parents. They are your first priority. Stay blessed. Stay happy.
Sorry, but the only problem here out comes only because we are scared to move alone. Sorry, I will only talk about you only, and not what good/bad other person is , bec at the end, it's you who will matter right! Please, walk out, learn to live with own self, not being dependent on any emotionally/feeling lonely. Let it happen, indulge in own development, physically, reading, going out , having coffee alone. This makes one lot lot lot stronger. And I assure you, once a person can be just alright being alone, next even when you fall in any relationship in future, you won't be a feeble one depending even if someone is good/bad to you.
Thanks for the suggestion. I have already broken up with the person and am struggling hard to come out of it. It's tough but yes, I can do it... 🫂
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