Hi everyone,
I'm a 26-year-old male, the only child of my parents, and from a middle-class family. My childhood was tough due to family problems, and I lost everything at an early age. As the only child, I’ve always had a lot of responsibilities on my shoulders.
When I was in 10th grade, a girl came into my life. We started liking each other, got attracted, and began our love journey. Over the past 10 years, we built our lives together. Both of us are now working—I'm doing WFH, and she works in an office. We had even convinced our parents for marriage and planned to tie the knot this February.
However, everything changed suddenly. She left me, saying she was interested in someone else. I begged her not to leave, but nothing worked. Being an only child, I’ve never had anyone else to share my problems with, and for the last decade, she was my emotional anchor. I didn’t make new friends either, as I was completely invested in her.
We even built a new house in my hometown because her parents insisted they wouldn’t agree to the marriage unless we had our own house. I used my parents' savings and took a home loan to build it. Later, she convinced me to take a personal loan for the interiors, promising we’d manage the debt together with our salaries. Trusting her, I went ahead.
Now she’s gone, and I’m left with a huge financial burden. I’m the only breadwinner for my family, and I’m struggling to pay off the loans while also surviving on a small amount.
Right now, I’m battling depression because:
A decade-long relationship ended in betrayal.
I’m in significant financial debt.
Being from the same hometown, everyone knows about the situation, and I’m unable to face the society.
I’m seeking support and motivation from anyone who’s willing to listen or share some words of encouragement. Any friends accepted🙂
Please take therapy, it’s expensive but it might help you
gym
There are two things that you should keep in mind:
No matter trying to think how you can bring her back because even if you are given a magic wand to somehow bring her back in your life, she will still not love you. Let that line sink in for it. She might have had some attractions with you in the past but she doesn't want to spend her whole life with you. Try to make peace with it, it's very easy for me to say this, but you have to let her go, no point trying to bring her back. She. Is. Gone.
The debt is going to be on you, no matter what you do. You should try to keep paying off this debt as the number one priority of your life as of now. Join online communities, maybe get into some freelancing because you should try to keep off your mind as much as you can. Keep yourself engaged into things which can get you either money or a good time. Once you finish this debt, that will be the day you will never think about the girl, the day would feel like such a win day. Work towards it.
This point, I honestly have no answer. I simply cannot. You will have to face them, my suggestion would be to keep yourself isolated from the people of your hometown. Only talk with your parents, that talk is also going to be very hard, but you will have to do it. There's no way around. By saying isolated, I don't mean that don't talk to anyone, meet as many new people as you can (after some time when you feel like it) but distance yourself from the society people. Once you repay the debt and comeback to your house, the entry will feel so grand to you, you won't mind 1 bit about what they say. You'll be such a great person by then.
All of these are so easy to type but you have to make the decision. Your life depends on it. I'm assuming you must have already gone through a lot of psychological agony before posting this, it is now time to move on. If possible forgive and forget. Think of this as new episode of your life, keep yourself distanced from the past and write a new beginning. My one last suggestion would be, searching for volunteering gigs at concerts, it's very active this time in India. If your location has a lot of events/concerts hosted. Get in touch with the people, they are often in search for volunteers. That is a very suitable gig for you if you can squeeze it in your life schedule.
Best of luck for your life man. You have a challenge for you to achieve, go get that debt off you!
Thanks a lot for typing this much yeah I never want that girl back so standing on myself only but sometimes it's hurting badly when I see her roaming with new guys that too within 2 days after breakup she started 🙂but it's her life to live I can't judge only fake promises Killing me that's it
As I said, distance yourself as much as possible. Meet new people, maybe change the route of your office or any place that you often visit even if it is a long route. Time will help you a lot, greatest healer for sure. Just hold on to yourself
Hope the best for you
There's no easy answer to this than moving on. Others have suggested ways, therapy works best!
Few pointers for the next time -
Don't be so invested in someone that you forego your own personal life. In other words, make friends, have your own hobbies, if you have your own passions, explore it. You should never have to sacrifice what you like and your social circle for anyone!
Always try to not be on debt, if on debt, Always plan worst case, like if you leave job/laid off, you still have enough money to survive around a year. This is basics of anything
When you are taking a debt for both of you, you should find ways to keep the loan stakeholders to both of you. In other words, if you are sharing in good moments, you should share in expenses, troubles etc
People aren't Always predictable, breakups happen, divorces happen. We can't Always predict them, but we can plan for them so that we minimize damage on our side. What those things entail is entirely upto us
In my experience, no one really likes a whiner. I am not saying you are, I am saying, I have been pushed aside by almost everyone when all I did was whine in my childhood, and I probably am similar, like if someone comes to me and consistently whines, I would want to listen and help, but I wouldn't wanna include the person in any plans as I feel they'll kill the mood. If you were this person in the relationship, you need the emotional outlet to be probably a Therapist
Rebuilding would be tough, but look at the bright side, once you get through it, you'd have a new house for you/parents.
Yes I learned so many life lessons in this short span 🙂 thanks
Been there
That's gonna hurt like, but eventually you will move on -Sooner or later karma will strike back to her. TRUST ME
Karma works on karma believers only bro like me it won't work on this type of people 🙂 as I see she is so happy and started dating also with guys within month and I'm having sleepless nights
Stay strong. And as someone else replied, consider taking professional therapy. This would have come as a shock to anyone, so you really need best support. One can only imagine how worse of a character that woman is, but anyway, no point thinking about that.
Also, consider moving to some other city, move to some Tier1 city with WorkFromOffice model, work from home can be extra depressing.
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