Crippling Trust Issues : Why cant I connect with fellow humans?

At the risk of sounding weak, this has become more and more rampant with me. It feels as if I am living someone's elses life. Somedays I just feel like living a life thats pointless. These are the days when I feel very prone to these emotional impulses of sudden "lonlinesss" (despite having few of the most amazing people in my life) or "emptiness" or "anti-gratitude/self-destruction". So much mental lethargy behing these useless chain of thoughts. Am I the only one? Have I lost it? Am I sensitive? Is it a bad thing? Am I overworked? Am I too critical about my thoughts? Man this is so confounding.

I mean how do you start trusting people again? Most of the people that I have around me turned out to be an ass. I could never fill the social void. My heart keeps yearning for social validation (I am not in the mood of hearing that happiness should stem from within etc etc, afterall humans are social beings, we need people to survive. We thrive on trust. Being alone never helps in the long run, I have learnt this the hard way) Its so easy to confuse politeness with kindness. I know it comes through practice but I have been extremely paitent. I cant filter people. I know its a plain rhetoric. But would love to know your perspectives.

I have been a little caught up with numerous things in my life lately and have finally found some free time to open up myself to new experiences. I had a wishlist of shows and movies that I wanted to watch but as soon as I start watching them, I get bored and feel like turning it off. No, its not the content No, its not the genre No, its not the actors No, its not the taste either This is pretty ironic as considering the fact that I have spent a fair share of my youth chasing academics and career, my heart had always craved for life experiences. I had to let go of the woman I loved simply because I was too focussed on my JEE. I wont be able to forgive myself for that EVER. It almost felt like I had lost a limb, without which , I would be rendered disfunctional. Thats a separate story tho. Nothing excites me (yep nothing) Nothing amuses me Nothing feels lively I have no clue where my life is headed I understand that as we age, our triggers of happiness change. I have put concious efforts into knowing what those new triggers are. But I cant find any plausible sources of happiness. I am performing pretty well with my career. Even got a double digit hike. But didnt feel that kick of joy. Have I approached a dead end?

(I know Osho type question hai but just curious)

I saw a friend tweet about how Bangalore is full of connected but lonely people jumping in to join every Meetup/WhatsApp group that becomes available. This is my problem with the meetup / conference culture. Meetup culture is all about optionality. You think you'll meet someone new who's cool. Someone who can help you build your network. You would rather join a meetup with 100 other strangers than build stronger connections with your friends. In life there are only a few people who really matter. People who you can call at 11 PM to rant about your workday. People who you know will be genuinely happy about your promotion. People you share screenshots from work with. It is not probably the 100 strangers in that Whatsapp group that you think of when you are having a health issue and want to share your fears. It also means lowering your ego, which I'm happy to do with my old friends. I'm always happy to ping them when I get the chance, and I'm the one asking them to call me. I'm the one who asks them to hang out with me. I used to think, "Why bother?" but then I realised that it doesn't matter who reaches out first. It is not about keeping a count. I realised it's for me! If I have a chat with a friend of mine who I have known for over 10 years, my mood improves immediately. Everyone is very busy. Everyone is stressed with their jobs and their personal lives. Some of them are married now. Some have children. But that's where you've got to work to keep connecting with the people who matter to you. Friendship is also about being vulnerable. True friendship is built on vulnerability. Being able to share your dreams, your failures and your demons with each other. While the meetup culture is all about bumping into people for 5 minutes to judge their worth and whether they are worth your time, my preference is for long 1-1s. Either on the phone or face to face. I am happy to meet just one person over the weekend and have hours of conversation about work, life or wha

One of the toughest day of my life started on 03rd September, 2024. I just did not want to leave my bed at all. The world that I imagined has just crumbled. The future that I envisioned no longer cease to exist. Sense of failure in all aspects of my life has hit me. A failure in professional life, a failure as a son, a failure as a brother, a failure as a friend, a failure as a partner. A complete failure in a nutshell. This is the lowest point in my life where I want to run away, from everything. Not care about anything, not face anyone, and just run away.

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You meet new people - on some you cringe, some are boring, some intrigue you, some you respect, and some are intimidating It is the intimidating lot that makes me jhzdgfhfghsjj (how do I explain this) I feel small infront of them, even though I am not in the same room or face to face There's an unknown fear, it feels you have to prove yourself to them (for no reason) Somehow our brains put them on a higher pedestal for various reasons - it is different reasons for different people Why why do I have to feel like this? How do I get rid of it?

Broke up in 2020, thought of giving all my energy to my job as my career won't wake up one day and say I don't love you. Jan 2024 update - Got silent laid off from EY. Anyone else going through the same trauma? How to heal?