I find it so hard to spend on myself
I come from a poor background, but somehow I worked extremely hard and now I earn decently well (above 60 LPA cash). My problem is- I don’t mind spending on others. In fact I don’t even think twice before taking my card out and buying things for family or friends. I have also lent money to multiple people when they are in need of help (total close to about 2-3 lakhs). But it doesn’t bother me even a bit. I don’t even care about whether I’ll get it back or not. But, when it comes to me, I find myself struggling so much and questioning my decision to buy things even as cheap as INR 200-300. And most of the times I find myself going extra miles to save a few bucks. In fact, I also recently downgraded from a bigger to smaller apartment, because I have been doing so much maths around saving 7-8K a month. Maybe there is some part of me that feels that I don’t deserve any of this. Anyone has any idea how to fix this?
Nothing wrong,
do you have peer pressure from family/frirends to save more than they are doing or do you have a number in mind to target (1cr/2cr)
maybe start by spending on things that you find value or improves your health/quality of life
Lemonsoda
Stealth
6 months ago
Actually no peer pressure. I save decently already. My portfolio has recently touched about 1.5 cr. I think I am trapped in this endless rabbit hole of wanting more. Few years ago, my target was to have 50 lakhs in bank, when i hit that, it changed to 1 cr. And now that i have surpassed it, I’m looking forward to more.
The thing is - I kind of feel embarrassed to call people at my home, because I literally have nothing. I don’t even have a work table/chair. And when I think of spending on them and on other things like furniture and all, I feel like they’re super unnecessary. I have even considered rentals, but then I end up computing the annual fee, and discard the plan.
Lemonsoda
Stealth
6 months ago
In fact, I recently got a bed because someone was selling it at cheap rate. Before that, I just had a mattress.
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Do whatever good keeps you happy. I think there's nothing to worry, it would naturally come to you on how much you need to, how much to want to and how much you wish to spend on yourself.
Spend atleast to the level you can enjoy the kind of life you want to live given your current monetary income.
If spending a bit on yourself gives you substantially greater comfort, peace of mind and a sense of enjoying your time, given you can afford that expense, don't stop yourself. Spend it. It will help you gain a sense of fulfillment to an extent.
Generic_Techie
Stealth
6 months ago
Lolol, Get a girlfriend and revisit this post after 6 months. Banda puchna start karega bc aur paisa kahase aayega suggest karo..
Yes, problem solved.
A good partner would teach him to spend on himself and his lifestyle. Not extravagant spend per se.
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1. Set certain % of earnings per month to yourself.
2. Make sure you use that money only on you.
3. Don’t live in regrets, few years down the line when you won’t have opportunity to spend.
Kamlesh
Stealth
6 months ago
Don't need to spend if you don't want to spend. Invest it and grow it so you can spend it on others and when you need to spend on yourself later.
There will be medical bills in the future, old age is a bitch. If you can grow that money well enough you can sponsor other old people in their retirement care too.
Sky is the limit with more money, it can be put to many good uses. I would say don't force yourself to spend on yourself if you don't actually need to.
Too many people get caught up in this habit of upgrading lifestyle even when not actually required. Those savings can be a lifesaver in times of need.
You deserve all of what you're getting! You've worked so hard for this I'm sure. Spend on what you love.. Don't let social media influence you with FOMO. If you like eating outside, go out frequently, if you like movies, watch new movies.. As long as you're debt-free or are able to save over 40%-50% of your income, you're doing fine. Even if you're not, that's fine too.
Live a life you can look forward to every day. And never let yourself feel that you don't deserve something. You've worked for all this! 🫰
It's actually a blessing in disguise. Too many people have an overspending problem.
There is nothing wrong in saving, comes from our upbringing. And I say we because I am in a similar boat.
What helped me is to realise beyond a point saving money isn’t gonna drastically improve my life. That extra 10k I save in a month wouldn’t make a big impact on my bank balance. However if I spend that 10k on a massage, a good dinner or in your case a good chair, I will end up being more relaxed and cheerful. And that is important because your success in life, monetary or otherwise depends a lot on how relaxed and comfortable you are in life
RealOldmonk
Stealth
6 months ago
When you come from a background where financially it was tight and difficult growing up and you let go of all the small small things you wanted to own as a kid, during teenage and even college, sometimes the mind gets wired up sub’s consciously to start questioning on spending on oneself, ignore all these thoughts, I was in same boat till few years back, start appreciating what was life like and where you are now, indulge in spending a bit for yourself, all the savings is going to be use for family.
Spend some on yourself now, the age the time nothing will come back again, 20 years from now all what will left is - what if I had done this
I've seen something similar in a friend of mine. He's also at a 60-70 lpa income. And I've seen him buy literally not spend on anything other than food. Not clothes, not entertainment and not travel. He'll go to long lengths to avoid taking a flight, would rather commute by bus. We happened to discuss this once, candidly so and realised he has a scarcity mindset. Just like you he mentioned he sometimes feels embarrassed of how much it a miser he can be. That said, he did say he'd like to change this. All this money and he's not able to enjoy it. He's just worried that he needs to save, create a corpus and yes, he's taking really concrete steps towards it but at the same time your relationship with money cannot just be driven by fear. He's actively trying to now look at a purchase not just from how much it will will cost him but can it add value to his life long term. For eg. Buying furniture is not just for ornamentation. It'll allow him to host people, have a bigger and hopefully supportive friend circle and in time add to his well being by having meaningful relationships. This doesn't mean he's spending mindlessly. It just means that before discarding the idea of buying something he takes a moment to really think about what making a purchase vs not could actually lead to.
Namkeen
Stealth
6 months ago
Same package, same portfolio and same happy headache. Loving it.
RealOldmonk
Stealth
6 months ago
I can relate to this, I was kinda same person, will think again and again before making a small purchase. You have to start buying and somehow convince your mind to not think about the purchase.
This is in your mind, other example of this behaviour won’t mind spending big on gadgets but will think twice before buying a 2K jeans. There are a lot of sub variants, what you are suffering from is the sum of all where even spending 500-1K on oneself will make you think 100 times
The first question is “Are YOU happy?” with your current lifestyle? If yes, nothing else matters. Stop worrying about what others think, it won’t do any good anyway. But this is easier said than done.
But if you are not happy, write down the kind of life you want. I come from a similar background and always day dreamt that I will do this and that, when I have money.
And to start with, pick anything from this list…the smallest of thing how you can treat yourself. For me it was a Rs. 20 bottle of coke. If you feel even this is a lot, no worries..link it as a reward to some achievement.
For example, I was freelancing for sometime and on the days I earned XX amount I would treat myself with this bottle of coke and I truly believed it was well deserved.
I am not a guru, just sharing what worked for me.
And when I started my career I was very similar to you. I was lucky to get introduced to Ankit. He pushed me out of my comfort zone just a little to take baby steps. He has been helping me for years now.
I don’t have enough grapes to DM you, but if you want you can reach him at [email protected] and mention my alias “fastandthecurious”. I will also let him know that you may reach out.
And you don’t need to feel guilty about spending money on this, as he won’t charge you 😊
Maybe this can help. I fix my monthly expenditure to a certain sum (currently, 50k). Try to keep your expenses in this limit. Save the rest. You need not think like again on the line that you need to save more and you'll be able to spend a bit more freely.
bestbachelorcook
Stealth
6 months ago
I don't make that much money, but even I find it hard to spend more than 5% of my monthly salary on one thing. I mull it atleast for a month before making a purchase.
Lemonsoda
Stealth
6 months ago
It’s a fintech. Would like to keep the name private to avoid getting traced by my colleagues.
samosa
Stealth
6 months ago
Hard relate
I realised that life will become boring if I don't spend on myself. I need to spend on experiences which I lacked while growing up.
I don't want to blindly follow others but definitely gonna spend to keep my life interesting
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