My fiancé’s pay is 3x mine. And I feel guilty for not being able to scale up to a respectable pay or career advancement. This is my capacity - I am slow paced and a late bloomer in everything in my life. I feel like I don’t deserve a fiancé with 3x pay as mine and could find someone better than me as I was questioned by my fiancé about my career trajectory. I keep wondering in what way I can contribute my share once we settle. How will I do 50/50 because it doesn’t seem possible to do that. I will have to cut back on all my wants before things turn sour between us due to this financial imbalance. I don’t want money to get in the way of our relationship. I don’t know if anyone feels this guilty for not being able to contribute financially towards their married life. Or am I overthinking all this in my mind. It takes a hit at my self esteem when I see my friends/family around being able to achieve this financial equilibrium with their spouses. It makes me feel inadequate and not as empowered.
Reading this from both gender perspective has wholesome views tbh
So we're nowhere close to gender equality!! And that's a sad reality.
That's never going to happen also. World was created or designed for that.
It's just the stupidest notion created by the stupidest people who identify themselves as feminists, to kill time because they are jobless or just selfish and change sides depending where they will be benefitted or win the argument
When I got married, my partner’s pay was 2X mine. Cut to 8 years later, my pay is now 2.5X more than my partner. I am lucky to have a partner who never questioned me while my pay was lower than hers. So our relationship has been the same then and now.
Your pay cannot be the basis on which you decide if you have to be partners or not. If that is causing a rift between the both of you, you should perhaps have a honest conversation with your partner.
It’s great to hear how you smoothly navigated through this.
It didn’t seem like that when we started off with our courtship but after we got to know each other’s pay, I feel my fiancé is worried about having the pull the weight of our finances all alone. For which I have already conveyed my assurance that that will not be the case. But the guilt I feel is something I need to have a conversation with my fiancé.
It is not seeming as complicated after reading all the thoughts shared by everyone here.
Courtship?
Hey bhagwan pls give me a fiance who is making 3x of me. I will stop working, take care of home and kids, write novels and scripts and do creative work.
How much do u earn?
70 lpa post tax
Your fiancé’s knows about your financial situation and current career trajectory as you get into your marriage.
What's the point for them and you to get into an unhappy marriage over this from the get go?
If they value other aspects you bring to the marriage and enjoy a good chemistry should be expected that they only be encouraging and comfortable with the idea of you possibly earning less.
Otherwise if that is what your fiancé’s really wants - someone who earns just as much he/she should acknowledge that need and find someone else than marrying you with that sword hanging over your heads for the rest of your marriage.
I did think through all the above mentioned points as well. My fiancé has not explicitly said anything about wanting a spouse earning more than I currently do. But I have picked up on hits here and there which is making me feel all these. I should probably discuss my insecurity. There are lot of aspects and nitty-gritty of each other that we are still not fully aware of. That could take an entire life time to know.
@WallFly that would be a red flag for me personally, and I'd suggest you have an honest conversation now when it's still early days, else it's only going to get tougher with time.
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