Monday Motivation - The Paradox of wanting not to exist

I am strong YOLO believer, eat good food, be happy, in the moment Why worry losing weight The worse that can happen is death, and I'm okay dying tomorrow Or so I thought. I have seen people who are okay dying, live for very very very long time. Have multiple illnesses and are unable to live to fullest even though tenure is longer than others. This really jolted me into considering fitness. Death can still happen tomorrow, but if I have to live long I don't want to be dependent on others

With zero finance and not single interview call I really deciding to end this journey on this planet. Come on don’t label me coward ending own life needs huge load of courage too. This is also help my family to get the Life insurance money and continue their normal life at seems to only option at the moment.

The obsession I regret the most in my life is the all or nothing behavior. Where, - I'll apply for a job only after knowing everything there is to know for a role. This is why I used to see people with half my knowledge applying and getting jobs and moving ahead in life. I used think it's so unfair that they achieve in all aspects of their life and I in none... - I'll date someone only when I know I am the perfect version that I envision for myself - I'll only take photos when I am in my perfect shape. If I don't have 8 abs, I don't deserve photos! - I'll stop questioning whether I am good enough only when I achieve everything else I am a loser I just was very cruel to myself for my own imperfections! This instilled a fear in me that shattered my spirit, self confidence and self worth. I ended up being afraid to pick anything up. If I couldn't stay course in something and for some reason I wasn't able to do something for a day or 2, my perfectionism mindset said, that's it, I am a failure and I thought, nothing can be done now and gave up This resulted in I procrastinating in things. Why to work hard, I am never gonna make it... I have 100 things to do in life else I am failure but I don't have time to do all that in this lifetime. Perfectionism results in not doing anything! After meeting people, self introspection and podcasts from people, I realised its okay to mess up, its okay to fall down. I should dust myself off and continue! It is so hard now to change yourself after years of disappointment. You need so much positivity and letting go of perfectionism. You need self love and kindness... TLDR - Don't be like an OCD person obsessing over things to go exactly the way they want! Don't reject yourself due to failures/setbacks. Dust yourself off and move ahead! It's okay to be imperfect as long as you promise to be consistent!

Hello, Friday is here and so is one pick of mine to read as we get ready for the weekend. This is one of the lists I like to refer to every now and then. https://blog.samaltman.com/how-to-be-successful Please share thoughts. Share your read for the weekend too!

I can't seem to relate to much of the non-FAANG junta out there. I mean I have a cushy job with probably 0.1% pay of all SWEs(pretty much like all of us do). But these cookie-cutter roles have been taking a mental toll on me. Like I am getting paid but I feel a little purpose-less. What am I gunning for in this life? All my life I wanted to go to a good college to get into a good company. In college I wanted to get a good codeforces rank so that I could get into FAANG. Now that I am in FAANG I have nothing to look forward to. Any of you all feeling this way? Because I don't see myself offer-shopping and feeling much happy about that either.

So I might get some hate for this. I know this is weakness and the feedback I've gotten is toughen up. But I've never known how. Is there anyone else whose body and mind had accepted that they're not going to amount to anything but fought their way through it? Can you tell me your story? Or give me any book suggestions?

Harsh reality of life. It has to go on, with or without you.