Question for married men👇

What are some points to take care of when getting married through an arranged marriage setup?

I see a lot of girls today have this condition of not staying with in-laws after marriage. I want to know the opinion of both genders on this. As I myself don’t understand what difference it makes. 🫠

It’s a question that many men want to discuss but can’t in the open. How do the costs of life split between you and your partner? If you’re both making the same money, is it 50-50? Or do you each handle certain categories of expenses without getting into the details?

I am a 30 M , got married in 2020 and clearly the marriage was not working out. My wife and her mother was always finding ways to control me from the beginning with all the little things and my wife started this drama like with every fight she used to leave the house and stay at her mother’s and not comeback until all the parents gets involved and me asking sorry, one time she left the house because I cooked the curry and had asked her to do roti this turned into a fight and just for that she left the house. And her mother threatened me that she won’t send her daughter back until I ask sorry. There were LOT of these instances and at one point I really got fed up and started standing up for myself, in the last fight she said she won’t come back again and I said please don’t I am also tired of this. After a month she started reaching out to me asking sorry and apologies and all but I had lost all trust in the relationship and I wanted sometime. Even if I let her in her mother would have ruined the relationship again , so I asked her since I have no trust you have to agree on that in future if we get divorced if we have kids the kids stay with me and I won’t pay any alimony. Following this discussion she lodged a fake domestic violence and dowry case against me and my family. And I filed for divorce after I seeing police station and all. I have all the evidence to prove that I am innocent but the court is taking very very long time and now she is asking for for a huge amount only the she will agree for divorce 😣

My fiancé’s pay is 3x mine. And I feel guilty for not being able to scale up to a respectable pay or career advancement. This is my capacity - I am slow paced and a late bloomer in everything in my life. I feel like I don’t deserve a fiancé with 3x pay as mine and could find someone better than me as I was questioned by my fiancé about my career trajectory. I keep wondering in what way I can contribute my share once we settle. How will I do 50/50 because it doesn’t seem possible to do that. I will have to cut back on all my wants before things turn sour between us due to this financial imbalance. I don’t want money to get in the way of our relationship. I don’t know if anyone feels this guilty for not being able to contribute financially towards their married life. Or am I overthinking all this in my mind. It takes a hit at my self esteem when I see my friends/family around being able to achieve this financial equilibrium with their spouses. It makes me feel inadequate and not as empowered.

DINKs, (dual income no kids) have been gaining traction a lot lately. I want to know from the members of gravevine, what are their views on being a DINK couple or a DINKWAD( double income no kids with a dog). From financial prospects like having a huge disposable income to emotional aspects like not having a legacy or going against custom Indian tradition. Do share your thoughts 🤔💭

I am 33M, started working at 20. Earned 87LPA when I was dropped off in June 23. I am a very responsible person who had taken care of everything in the family for quite some time. My parents and relatives and everyone else who know me well, know this and kost have appreciated this at some point. My sister separated from her husband 6 months after my marriage and had been living with me and my wife since then till COVID hit. My mother has anger issues and my father is very obedient to her. I love my parents and they loved me I think. Post COVID I moved to my hometown (because family) and things started going downhill. My mother will almost entire day find every faults in my wife and share it with everyone with an angry tone. I just listened to her initially for 2 years but at times I told her that it's enough. Now she has started fighting me. After the fight I would go and apologize to her knowing that it's not my fault just to make things right. This time when my mother fought with me she taunted me that you will come back and apologize. This hurted me even more than the fight. Now I am not going back to apologize and she's escalating it every day. Convinced my father and my eldest sister(happily married) that I am a bad son. Shares messages like "maa bap ko pareshan krne vale bachho ko kya fal milta hai" in WhatsApp groups. She has even asked me to vacate home. I am unemployed at the moment and I told her I will when I have a job. I don't know how to deal with it. I can't convince people in the family that she has anger issues.

Hello, In today's world most of the married couples are working. How do you guys manage your non-work life together like kids, food, grocery, shopping, house chores? As most of us come from a background where our mothers are housewives and she used to manage the household chores like cooking, house management, kids and other indoor stuff and our fathers used to go out and earn money, and manage outdoor stuff. Now, this paradigm has been changed and I fully accept this maturely but I want to fit in this new model. Can anyone tell me how they are managing it positively? Thanks for your time and only serious answers please.