actions > words and that it's okay to walk away when you feel disrespect. you teach people how they get to treat you

Analyst 

That it was not just her fault, I was not the perfect boyfriend either.

Software Developer

The other person can leave at any time regardless of how good or bad you are 
  
 You cannot control how people think/ feel about anything

Generalist

Consultant

What is the most essential lesson you've taken away from a failed relationship?

Software Engineer

What is the most essential lesson you've taken away from a failed relationship?- Grapevine

What's the most important thing you learned from your first relationship?

When I was doing my masters in economics last year, I met a girl. I was instantly attracted to her, however never got a chance to ask her out. Eventually I did, and we went out a couple of times. I really liked her but I think she considered me a good friend. I got mixed messages from her. Once, she sends me text messages in the middle of the night asking me to take her to lunch tomorrow and another she doesn't reply back to me. Anyway I persisted but eventually she kinda distanced herself from the relationship after we hooked up. I had fallen for her but she wanted no part of anything. Didn't return my calls or texts, or when she did made up excuses to avoid hanging out. 

So I told her how I felt. She was angry at me for ruining our friendship even though we hooked up, which she instigated. I never saw her again for the 3 months( she went to Delhi for some work) but she called me occasionally if she needed to talk or something.

So she left and we remained in touch via Whatsapp. On one occasion, I made a passing joke as to how she spent time with every dude there but me. She became very offended and we stopped communication. She started it up again but didn't apologise.

Finally, I actually visited Delhi because another friend of mine was getting married and invited me. I didn't visit her because of time constraints and she became pissed, and wouldn't talk to me, accusing me of doing it on purpose. That was 6 months ago.

I'm going to a friends birthday soon and she's gonna be there. 

Would it be bad for me to hold the grudge? Or should I just let it go.

Bear in mind, she avoided me whilst hanging out with others and then accuses me of avoiding her.
I don't wanna be a douche but I don't wanna be a pushover, someone who can call me whenever and I'll come running.

Please help Grapevine! 🙏🏻

Girl Trouble - Am I Bad?

She's a big red flag. She's either manipulative or moody. We don't need these teasing and chasing games in 2024. 
  
 Move on

Investment Manager

Hello I am a 26 years old female who works in a IT company, but meanwhile I am stuck with my life neither my job nor my relationship is going well, I am actually not so "relationship" type i am kinda marriage type of person, ❤️ I love someone who is from middle class and I am ready to settle if he is earning 40k even but what matters is love and understanding of both of person,

Recently I am facing issues in my relationship like he is ready to leave me if the situation is not in future, and while I am not getting any future security from him i really feel anxious and getting panic attacks each day, I am not able to sleep properly 

Meanwhile, I am saying no to projects in my company and I am not showing any willingness to work further, honestly no body is there to guide me what should I do, my mom she supports me but I am unable to sleep properly in night and each and everyday I am crying and crying, not eating properly, i really need ur suggestion guys 

Please  if anyone can suggest me or anything i should know i will be very grateful.........

Need suggestion

Systems Engineer

Started my first relationship with a girl 2 weeks ago.  Requesting people to share wisdom on how to proceed. We went on a date today, it was great and we talk daily before sleeping. Consider me a noob.

Started a Relationship

I will go first, never be someone’s 2nd choice. A guy I liked told me that he loved me and that I will be the first one he calls if he breaks up with his gf. Spoiler alert, now they’re married and we don’t talk anymore. I wasted my time being on the bench for him and wasted too many birthdays crying & waiting for him to wish me (he never did) Lesson learned!

They were in an LDR and he kept me in the grey about his relationship. And meanwhile he love bombed me, told me that he loves me, wants to talk to me all the time, fantasises about me, sent me his snaps. He literally told me that he loved me while his gf was creating Pinterest boards for ‘wedding inspo’ and asked me to be his fwb.

I made the mistake of believing him, falling for him and not leaving his ass sooner.

Ladies, what are your relationship life lessons?

I think the current phase in my life is the lowest I am already PIPed by swiggy and I have broken up with my gf.

Feeling like my life has reached the end. Can't sleep at all specially after the break up. Now I regret for blocking her atleast I should have waited until getting into some company. But now I don't want to go to her due to some personal reasons.

It feel sucks. I am not able to focus on interview preparation. I am not in depression but my mental health is shit right now and gets headache daily.
Please help me shall I consult some doctor for this or is this okay. I don't have much friends that's why I am asking here

I genuinely need help

Sorry for posting here. Can anyone help me

Sorry to hear what you're going through. It may sound cringe but praying to god helped me during my tough times. 
 Talk to your parents and siblings if you're on good terms. If nothing helps talk to a psychologist. 
 I may get flack for saying this, but right now you have a much bigger problem to deal with, i.e. PIP. Start preparing for interviews during weekends and try to finish your office work diligently.  
  
 As for your relationship, no one here knows how serious you were about it. If both of you hadn't considered making it long term, I would say it's better to keep things the way they are right now. I had a pretty bad breakup few years back, but now when I look back, all I can do is laugh about the fact that,  I was head over heals for such a shitty person. 
  
 It's my suggestion and I might be completely wrong and being a d*ck here. You have to decide what's utmost important to you write now. 
  
 Prioritize your physical and emotional well-being, then your work, and then someone else. Wish you all the best.

Grapeviners, can you, with all honesty convince a non-believer like me into getting married and having children. If you do, my parents will send a million blessings your way. 

About me: 
- Female, 28
- mostly introverted, very selectively extroverted
- single and normally attractive
- Jinxed when it comes to relationships
- Financially independent, Net worth: 1 cr
- not bragging, but I'm decently intellectual and I can have smart conversations

My reason to resist marriage is: I'm scared it won't work out and will cause bigger problems than being single. Have seen too many unhappy marriages in family and friends. Dating scenes in recent times have only made things even more unimpressive.

Convince me to get married

After a few failed relationships, I had an arranged marriage (at that time, it was just to fulfill what my parents wanted). She was a very conventional girl,, never had any relationship before. I was scared going into the marriage too. 
  
 5 years later, she is the best thing that has happened to me. She helped me explore things I never would have. She gave my life a different perspective. 
  
 I'm not saying just because it happened to me, it could happen to you too. I'm saying unless you take the leap you'll never know what you're missing out on.

Founder

What’s the best piece of relationship advice you’ve ever received?

What is a lesson that you wish you learned earlier in life?

Welcome to Software Engineers's Private Community

I remember making 7000/month and spending all of it on travelling by Uber everyday because my dad didn't let me use the car and the Summer heat was making me melt. I needed an AC so I instantly blew almost 4000 rupees/month on just Ubers. With the rest I went to a nice restaurant with my mom+dad for lunch and it is my most memorable moment in life. I felt like I had grown up.

The internship was also nice and I learnt a lot of things about building systems for a startup. It was one of the best 8 weeks I had spent learning something new and cool. 

I bet I used to look like Shinchan in this picture when I was in the office and seeing 40 year olds talking to 20 year olds like they were their buddies.

I was about to call them uncle hahaha.

What was your story from your First Job/ Internship?

Thread: Share a Story from your First Job/ Internship...

Product Manager

I was laid off last year, the CTC was reasonably high there (110k USD base, not practical in India ik... Maybe that's why they had to cut us off). That of course was quite a down time but I was happy that I had a lot of side projects in hand, and was up to date with the tech stack. It's something I learned, "A company is a company, nothing less or more than that.

Curious to know, what are your lessons from these times? That one thing you wish you told/reminded yourself before these lay offs?

To me, it would be:

1. Stay humble. Your salary or your company shouldn't define your attitude.
2. Keep learning. Find time for your personal growth.
3. Stay active in the community, be aware of what's happening. Be it good or bad, it can come to you as well.
4. Save while you can! Savings have helped me a lot.

P.S: I mentioned my base pay from prev salary not to boast about it, there is nothing to boast about tbh
... It's just to mention more context.

Lessons from the layoffs?

What small choice you made changed your life?

Sometimes people use certain people for the transient phase to heal themselves and then move one once they are able to rediscover themselves. 
While this may not be purely intentional at times, this does leave a sense of worthlessness in the other person's soul. And then the person feels "used" and breaks other people's heart and the cycle continues.

It can become a vicious loop if things are not clearly communicated.

How do you figure out if someone is genuinely in or using you for rebound ?

Data engineer

Is it difficult to live without a partner or find the right one, especially when you are introverted, at the age of 29?

Singelhood

Stay single till you find a right match, not having a partner may make you feel lonely sometimes but having a bad one will become nightmare.

Technical Specialist

how you cope up with heart break, also how long it was?
kinda need advice (mine was 7 years).

Hi banglore people

What's a lesson you learned from a moment of unexpected challenge?

Welcome to Ask Grapeviners's Private Community

Why did your last relationship/situationship fail ?

Senior Software Engineer

I am 21 years old. I have good offers (20lac+) from good companies, but I am not happy.

I always feel that something is missing in life, I don't know what and why I feel so.

I tried to get in a relationship, but whenever I express this feeling, things get bad between both of us. I really want to love and get loved.

I have been living my life alone for about 3 years now. I want to make friends, and I want to be in a relationship, but the last 3 years have not been nice to me because of which I don't like going out and having fun.

I was in a depression and a workaholic nerd for the past years and feel that now I have got wired in such a way which is not letting me have fun and enjoy life.

I find myself lonely.

Whenever I don't have anything to work on, I get anxious, and I get this question, what am I doing with life.

Maybe I am feeling lonely while writing this post and may sound little gone case.

Open to your suggestions, do share your stories if you have been through this phase.

Is it normal to feel like this?

What is the most essential lesson you've taken away from a failed relationship?

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