Honestly I don't even know where to begin with this one. I don't understand how come everywhere I end up with the most conniving people. If I had to summarise the friends around me in one line - the people who wouldn't give a fu** if I'm in misery and I would even go as far as to say that they might even enjoy seeing me in despair. Why is being included and genuinely appreciated such a big ask? Honestly I used to be competitive as well in the beginning, but life humbled me with a lot of beautiful experiences. Not all my prayers were answered but I'm still grateful for whatever I have. As a result I've become quite welcoming to life and have become less competitive than before. But I feel in doing so, I've let my guard down and now people have started taking me for granted. I do have just 1-2 genuine friends but we rarely keep in touch as they live somewhere else. Even as I'm typing this, I'm so sick and tired of these bastards that I'm carrying in my life and have unfortunately become dependent on for small small things. I've been an excellent student(I'm in final year btech rn) throughout my school. I'm not the most intelligent but definitely hardworking and disciplined. Deep down I know I'm extremely capable of defeating these bastards but it's just that I'm now tired and sick of their mind games and tricks so much so that my only wish is now to have a set of good friends that I can count upon. I feel trapped among them with no escape. If you have been in a similar situation or have a solution, please share in the comments.
Hey, I can understand your situation. Below some of the pointers could help you here:
Understand yourself. You must be coming from a place where you are trying to involve yourself with people who according to you are good, cool meaning some kind of criteria they meet. Now that criteria could be liking them, or seeing them enjoying from outside and thinking they are having fun etc. it could be any silliest reason possible. We generally don't want to miss out on things and then try to get mixed up with people or help out people even if they don't require it or someone else is there to help them but that person kind of avoid them, so we go ahead and try to be that "better person".
Be thankful that you are having this kind of experience early on. Learn from it, as to what exactly you want from people and what kind of people you want to deal with. Of course, this goes without saying, that you have to be humble and aware enough to learn that thing about yourself.
Set some healthy boundaries. Don't be too much available for anyone or don't go out of your way to help them out. Sometimes, we tend to cloud our judgements so much with the fear of someone leaving us or with giving them a high pedestal that we try to make life convenient for them every now and then. That doesn't mean you don't have to be kind and helpful to people whenever necessary but know the difference between when you have to actually help and when they are just trying to take advantage of you.
Be critical of yourself of the choices you made, as to why you made it in the first place. But be kind enough to yourself as well since you are understanding yourself and are experiencing the world for the first time with its true nature. The more you will go ahead in your life and if by chance in the corporate world, you will meet people becoming sweet like jaggery to take advantage of you. So, have open talks of experiences with your elders like this and act according to the person you are dealing with. You will get to know this in due time, through experiences for sure.
I get it you are frustrated, and it could be happening that the same thoughts roam around in your mind. Don't think about this too much and learn to let things and people go. You have just started your journey and you will meet a lot of people whom you will have to let go of, since their role is temporary. You won't have every person you meet in your life. So, no matter how bad or good things go, everyone has their time, just think about it like this. They plated their part, good or bad, move on. It's all experience. But beware, it's easier said than done. Too difficult to have this realisation.
Learn this: You don't control people's behaviour and cannot dictate it. No matter how good you are, how honest or how saint you are. You can only and only take responsibility for yourself and try to respond, not react, to others'actions. Learn to observe, understand and then respond.
Don't try to link this feeling with your work and studies. This kind of motivation or thought process may take you ahead but won't fuel you longer. It may backfire as well where you are trying to prove yourself better but end up frustrated when they perform better than you. So, learn to improve yourself with a healthy competition. Neither do they owe you anything, nor you. So, look after yourself first.
Learn to live alone. With your thoughts, with yourself. Learn to manage yourself, learn to do chores and you will see for yourself where you are heading. We see other people and think grass is greener on the other side but won't see ourselves what good or bad we are doing. Evaluate yourself and your actions because in this article you typed, it's not just their fault but yours as well. So take that accountability.
Hope this helps. Apologies, if I may have come out harsh with some points. But I have learned this the hard way and it took a lot of my time to understand that it's just you in the end who is working on your story. Your only people who would look out for you are parents, siblings and God (if you believe in him/her).
The only sensible and much needed answer I received. Thanks for taking time out to write this.😃
Somewhere I feel you are equally responsible. Your vibe attracts your tribe is true.
Agreed. But what should I do next now that I have the realisation?
Slowly cut them off and invest more effort and time in building friendships with nicer people
Where do I find nicer people? That's also a major issueðŸ˜ðŸ˜ irl you rarely stumble upon nice people these days...I've observed that mostly it's now more of a transaction sort of a thing...i agree that genuine friendships are also there which are devoid of all this but they are rare and you'll have to be lucky enough to find such people in irl
Ask them for 500 rs.
Try rajnigandha. Saare gum pik me Mila do
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