How do you navigate friendship when this happens....
When a long term friend tells you that they like you more than a friend (and maybe want to be more than friends), but you don't reciprocate their feelings, how do you navigate through this to keep your friendship alive? Telling them that you don't have feelings for them is obvious, but what after that?
If you are really his friend then please take the blow for him and let him go. Tell him to his face, "you r the best person but this is never gonna happen. I am sorry. *
This way, if he wishes to stay like friends he will. Otherwise he will not. This is the only way you can have him as friends.
Btw, I have tried and we can't get feelings for someone by trying to have them. Theoretically, I would say love crested from friendship is very beautiful. But I haven't experienced that. So I can't suggest you like that.
Thanks, letting people go has been my response all the time. But as this was a close bond, I was hesitant, and wanted to know if there is any other way to manage the situation. I guess the ultimate action of letting go is the only way to give my friendship a chance of being salvaged.
Secretly report him/her for a crime they have committed and confessed with you. While they are arrested and in jail for the crime, take your time to figure out whether your current relationship is worth keeping. While you are stress testing your current relationship, sweet talk your friend in jail and meet him once in a while.
If your current relationship doesn’t pass the test, your friend in jail will be very grateful to you for seeing him in jail and will love you even more and voila you have a relationship for a lifetime. If your current relationship actually passes the test, then your friend in jail already feels guilty about being a criminal and will just move on from you and work on improving himself and voila you have a relationship for a lifetime.
Win win!
Trust me!
@BiryaniEnthu next you are in the situation you have mentioned below, you might want to consider this winning strategy.
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1st think its not take that long to understand what your friend is thinking and still you are waiting for his confirmation than it is not only his fault you also equally involve in same cause when you earlier realize whats going to happen its your responsibility to start making distance instead of reacting as victim after his proposal
Leading someone on is a different thing, that's not what I meant with the question. Let me clarify myself some more:
1. Some people are oblivious, and will not know if someone likes them, until they are told to their face.
2. What do you do when there has been no prior show of feelings?
BiryaniEnthu
Stealth
25 days ago
Ah shitty place to be
One of my two best (male) friends shared he liked me when I was dating someone else. I could also see why because I was very different with them, more carefree, could say anything, don't have to think twice. That bond was special to me.
Luckily, he knew my boyfriend, he knew my answer. (I didn't have to say it explicitly)
He said it as of matter of fact and not looking for answer.
Years later, we are still friends. Boyfriend is long gone. But we haven't touched on the topic.
Long story short, you'll have to say this loud. If he cannot look beyond, he will leave. You will lose the friendship either ways.
What do you do when they know your negative answer, but still choose to flirt with you (consider both cases, flirting frequently and occasionally)?
BiryaniEnthu
Stealth
25 days ago
Others reading this will take it wrong
But before he confessed feelings, you'll realise he had been friendly flirting all the while, and you were reciprocating too, as a joke or fleeting moment.
You can't stop it, shouldn't too because it will take the fun off friendship.
We continued to be this, until I could see him getting serious in the moment. To snap him out, either it was change of topic, be offended with his flirt, or make something else centre of attention.
Writing this made me realise it, I hand't thought of it consciously
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I actually have been in similar situations.
Like not my bestie but a really good friend proposing and also actually pushing for it, but I had to take a stand and just keep the facts upfront that they are a great human and I see value in friendship with them , but I don't feel like wanting to pursue a relationship with them for sure..
Everytime I have been asked for reason, i could only come up with that I genuinely never felt romantic for you. And it's as simple as that.....never felt romantic, never came the thought of picturing a life with you as a partner...not before them proposing and neither after that so it absolutely definitely is a no from my end . (Ofcourse you got to put this in as gentle and polite way possible, because we don't want to hurt them )....but that's the the truth.
And as you are afraid of, I lost the friendships....but here's another perspective.
I have been friends with this girl for over a year and a half and I am the closest person to her right now. She has been having a really really really bad time since I met her but despite that she has always been strong and always shown up to fight all her battles and win over them. I have seen her in the worst of her times and despite that I have always been found of her and I see want to pursue something more with this friend 🙈.
Now , I have been sure of this since May and I since I have been in the reverse situation in the past.....I totally understand that they don't see me romantically and that she might not see me the way I see them and that is something i would be completely completely okay with.... because I have been on the other sides too.
Regardless of not being afraid to propose to her since May, I have not yet and plan to do it in December instead. Reason being that she needs a friend more than a partner right now and me bringing in a potential drama in her out of no where would not be the best thing to do as a true friend. So I will wait till December (as we expect clouds to clear up by then).
But this is a very very dicey situation for me. Like I don't want this question mark to be on me for infinitely long. A yes would be great, a no would be fine to as I will atleast reach a conclusion than be in the chaos i have in my mind right now.
I don't know if it's a no, I will be hurt and so will she be (because we don't know what will happen to our friendship).....but i thinking it will just end in a bummer.
I hope she will understand that it's not that I do not respect our friendship and that I am willing to toss it up for no reason, but the fact that it's incredibly difficult to see someone you like and care for infront of you but not be the person in her life who actually has the right to do this completely is painful.
This would potentially stop me from moving on in my life to someone else as well.
So I guess once i propose..I will let things be as natural and let them flow in direction it naturally will. I will though ensure my interests too that I do not get hurt any further in the attempt of trying to bea friend when I actually might not be capable of doing that . (And I wish and assume that she will understand this too)
That was too much of a blabbering for no reason. Too much of personal story...ignore that.
Thanks for sharing your story and both sides of the coin.
Don't feel embarrassed of saying all this. If you needed to vent (the positive kind), I am glad you could do it here. I hope things go in the right direction for you, whatever it maybe.
As for me, I will try to be as gentle and polite as I can be. Although I haven't been in the past for this particular kind of situation, because you know, most boys do not take no as an answer.
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Tell them to delay this talk a month later etc. You'll get time for processing and absorbing this stuff. Also, 'not having feelings ' etc is total bs. It's growable. What u should see is if they are a good fit/quality/good person for a general husb/wif.
CloudWizard
Stealth
25 days ago
Indeed a Resonating Post 🤭
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