My parents hate me

The way you wrote this post tells a lot about you. I am sure you are a very calm and sensible person in life. Nothing but respect for you.
Don’t worry people like you will always find a way to figure out life. I don’t think I am big enough to give you any advice here, just wanted to say to be strong in these tough times. This too shall pass. :)

If you have some savings, move out and live in any tier 2, tier 3 city till you find a job. You can find a 1bhk in like 5-10k in a tier 2 city. It will be difficult for you to focus on finding a job if you stay in a toxic environment.

I am not telling you to just abandon your parents. Settle things with them once you are financially stable and in a good mindspace.
Hope this helps.

Very fortunate I found this post. Going through a similar experience. I'm a 26 M. I moved to Bangalore 1.5 years ago with my long term girlfriend.

A little background about me

• Had a very rough childhood because I stammer
• My parents just neglected my problem because they believed I was doing it on purpose.
• My own parents made fun of me in front of relatives. Taunted me that I can't do shit in life with this.
• I left home after 10th, completed 12th graduation and got into a start-up. Earning ~ 12LPA

A few months back my parents started calling me regularly, started asking how I was doing...
I thought finally they understood. They changed.

But hold on. They convinced me that I should buy a flat and we should all live together.

I bought the flat, loan started. Few months post that both of my parents started behaving differently. They started saying stuff like you don't want us here, your gf is controlling you etc etc.

Now I'm stuck

It's a very tough spot to be in.

Your mother needs counselling, by the looks of it its going to be difficult to get her to do it voluntarily.

I am not sure what your home town is, but a nearby town where people don't know you may be more agreeable to her (unfortunately there is still a stigma attached to being counselled and anonymity has its perks).

Till then don't react or confront, just keep playing it day by day. It's difficult on you and everyone else, but till she seeks professional help the only way is to grin and bear it.

Take a holistic view:

1. Some people are toxic, they have children.
2. You owe your wife, her dignity, her self respect and her peace of mind. If not, you are responsible for her life.
3. This is controversial to some: But you owe yourself the above things too.

You should not solve/rectify a toxic person, that's not your job, outside your expertise and bandwidth. The best way is to move away from them. The earlier you do that, the earlier will your world become meaningful. Else it might never. You might have to live the next decades of your life in distress.

Do your thing. Best of luck

Since you want to move out and can also afford it, move out of that house asap - while you try to maintain your relationship with your parent, you might end up destroying your relationship with your wife and she may leave you if you don’t leave that house. Since you also care for your father and also for your mother, live nearby their house so that you can go to them at a moment’s notice but also far enough that it doesn’t feel like one house and you don’t see each other everyday. Take care of their needs financially or physically if anything but don’t engage mentally if they don’t respect you back. Do let your sisters know why you are doing this and that this doesn’t change your relationship with them.

Once things have calmed down, make some routine where you go to your parents for dinner or they come to your house for dinner at feasible frequency.

Did your issue get resolved with your family? My husband is facing same situation when he stood up for me they all blocked me. Started abusing my husband and now they abuse my husband daily on WhatsApp message. When they need money they will ask him n we also give hoping things would get better. But they try to escalate more. They didn't bother to see our baby as well. It's been 2 years now. N whenever my husband tries to talk to them they will start like humare paas paiso ki Kami nhi hai n what not.

Thanks all for the support. I thought I'll share an update with you guys. So I got a remote job and was checking out flats, talking to schools in Gurgaon.
My father came to me and asked me to stay. I denied and said the situation is not conducive and things will only get worse if I stay. My mother started behaving better and a couple of days later they asked me to stay.
I thought about it with a cool mind and then dropped the plan to move out. A major reason is that my father is ~67 and my mother is ~63 years old and I feel responsible again.
I know things may again get worse. But I am a bit orthodox in this and believe if it's bearable I shall stay with my parents. They have done a lot for me when I was younger. They thoroughly enjoy the company of my children and vice-versa. It'll probably help them stay saner and see purpose in life.

The only solution is to get out for some time I’ll suggest.. I’ve closely seen same situation with my maternal uncle, in their case his father had problems with his wife and later when he confronted his father .. father started taunting him and situation became worse so first they shifted to rental flat in same city within 10km and then they had to move to Bangalore. But the thing is his mother is now facing his father anger/ego issues alone .. Now living alone in Tier 2 city only two aged people , I feel for her .. I mean she is so calm but problem is that she is very submissive to her husband, but iiwii .. this is her nature.

Getting out of that house seems to be a reliable solution for now. Be little selfish and live life for yourself. Narak ho jayegi zindagi warna.