Guidance regarding survival and growth.

I was in infosys for 1 yr 10 months. I got training in MEAN stack that was just formality and after that they put me on bench. As a fresher even I don’t give that much focus and enjoyed the new beginning. After being on bench of 3-4 months. They put me in flutter training where I gone through 2 months training and handson on it. I learned flutter and also did Handson but after that got no project as there were no project available on that and again went on bench. I studied angular as much I could in a month and able to get a project that was my first project.

I entered that project and that was hell. Even the tech leads were frustrated and rant about it. Its codebase was too complex to understand. And as I fresher I entered they didn’t gave any KT or anything. They just loaded me with work which I can’t even understand and process. I tried seeking help from seniors or tech leads but they were too occupied that they denied helping . They come and just tell do this nd this…try…and leave. I was too depressed as work pressure and load was extensive over there, senior project manager used to lash everyone for every small thing, and expect us to work late night and complete requirements. I was happy when I got the project thinking I’ll be able to learn and work but it turned out to be the most depressing phase where I pray to get easier work so that I can understand and do. After 3 months surviving there they released everyone including me as project completed and went into support. They pushed me on bench again. Again I wasted some time figuring out what to do and how to get better. I started looking jobs outside and make a switch. I learned angular and JavaScript concepts by going through courses and doing some basic Hanson. After preparing for sometime according to company specific requirements and interview process, I got an offer from Hashedin by Deloitte as an Sde 2, for the skills as angular developer. I was happy and joyful that finally I did something. But as I entered here my overthinking got me. I may got select for Sde 2 but how I’Kl be able to survive here.

As an Sde 2 they will expect me to deliver and work like experienced professional but I don’t have much Hanson experience or work experience related to working in projects. Even though everyday I’m trying to learn and practice while in the cooling period but I always feel fear what if I won’t be able to meet the expectations. What if I won’t be able to deliver the work. What will they think of me and how embarrassing it will be for me to work where I don’t have experience and need help of others to get there.

Even though I haven’t got into project yet but this thinking is eating me and I’m feeling depressed and weak. I wasted my almost 2 years and got nothing. I want to work and grow, I Janice my skills, ready for working hard but my past project experience is haunting me, where I feel completely blank when some user story thrown to me to build.

I’m trying to learn everyday but feel it’s not enough. Can anyone tell me how to tackle this situation and get through it. I feel depressed and lost on overthink. Couldn’t sleep or eat thinking of what will happen in coming days.