Dating has failed Americans, now it will fail Indians too
Dating has become the norm for relationships today, but many don't realize that it's a relatively recent development, prevalent in Western society for only about a century, and it's already causing societal issues. Previously, Indian arranged marriages were standard (different from forced marriages). Families would arrange meetings between their daughters and another family's sons. If they liked each other, they would soon plan the wedding, marry, have sex, and start families. Today, individuals are left to find their own partners. If you don't find someone in high school, university, or work, your chances of finding a partner diminish. There's also less incentive for marriage, as sex no longer requires marriage or even dating, leading to more people pursuing sex directly. This has created a skewed dynamic where fewer men pursue women due to competition, turning to porn instead, while women face exploitation by men who have abundant choices. Ultimately, near 28-30 both genders rush to the arranged marriage system to get them a partner while having their feet dipped on dating apps. In the US, This has lead to decreased marriage rates and, consequently, lower birth rates since most births occur within marriages. A decline in families results in a decreased population, putting more pressure on younger generations to support an aging population. Western nations, therefore, rely heavily on immigration, causing additional challenges. Increased single motherhood also correlates with higher crime rates, drug use, loneliness, mental health issues, and suicides P.S. I'm young and dating too. Just thoughts for a conversation on what the implications of dating for us as a society could be.
BiryaniEnthu
Stealth
4 months ago
Why do you need a partner in the first place?
Because after a certain point a human craves for it. Very miniscule percent of people are adjusted enough to lead their own life, independent of any 'connection'. Although, a large portion of people lie to themselves that they don't need anyone. But at the end. Humans are social creatures.
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Marriage has never been a profitable deal for men... I wonder why men even take part in it....
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Donut
Stealth
4 months ago
Your description of arranged marriages is incorrect. You are given the option that if they liked each other get got married - which was not the case in the last generation. Often times the meetings was just formality, and my own mother met father on the day of their engagement. So nope, they didn’t have the choice to see if they liked each other, their parents made that decision for them.
Now take that into today’s scenario, how many people in this generation will willingly marry someone their parents has chosen, without any say in it? None. Doesn’t matter what their income is. You yourself are dating.. why? You can ask your parents to find someone for you, if you believe their judgment. The issue is that we don’t, and people avoid admitting that cos they don’t wanna be seen as someone who disagrees with their parents.
People are free to do what they like, arrange, love, dating, single, unmarried, adoption with marriage. Literally their choice. Nothing is ruining anything, in fact the recent situation in our country, where there are no laws upheld for rich, unemployed where 40% IITians aren’t placed, religious division - are more of a concern than a person’s personal choice. My 2 cents 🙌🏻
@Donut ,
I get it was a different system. Wasn't a matter of hearts but that of societal optimisation - and kinda served the median well imo.
What happened to your parents was really fast. Around parts of my ancestral village there'd def be consultations and meets with partners as a part of the process.
On the surface, you'd think there were no compatibility checks but the matching was based on trying to find families like yours. You'd get someone similar upbringing, similar value system & education, food preferences.
Even while dating I end up bonding much better to Women with a similar upbringing and values. Both the systems are trying to optimise for the same compatibility factors imo.
On me dating, Yes modern dating is fun and provides companionship in years you'd otherwise be not married. If things don't work out here I'll be heading to matrimony + dating apps.
Don’t marry or date. End of story. Life is to live and if you are not getting the right partner how about giving this a new direction, learn and evolve. Marriage isn’t a necessity. You won’t die if you won’t marry. So calm down.
It is very bad psychology. As an Indian citizen you have duties, as a child you have duties. Similarly as a human being you have duties for the civilization to prosper. We must reproduce and take forward the civilization.
I think there is already a lot of reproduction happening already. It would take a lot of people to stop reproducing to reach a declining birth rate. Plus you don't necessarily need to get married to have kids, biological speaking.
If the concerns arise about the next generation, well you could definitely adopt and nourish the best generation.
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This oversimplification is analogous to flat Earthers not seeing a curve and assuming, therefore, that all scientific evidence and thought contrary to their perception is incorrect.
First, I know several people that have taken the "dating" route to find fulfilling relationships. I'm married and about to have a child, and I met my wife on Tinder (in Haryana!). We've been married for ~7 years and are doing just fine without porn having played any kind of positive or negative role. 5-6 of my closest friends either dated or met someone afterwards, and many of my friends and colleagues are super happy in new-age arranged marriages. You're looking at a short term disruption and assuming some kind of 'end' is nigh.
At one point, it was thoughts that bellbottoms were ruining Indian youths and destroying marriages. Then it was jeans. Marriages and companionship have managed to survive several empires, technologies, and societal upheavals. We should try to find what works for us and seek happiness, not overarching trends and "rules" / predictions for what the future of humanity holds.
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Marriage is a life and death bet. Just pray to Gods you have good gambling skills and luck. Worse case, you die heartbroken and lonely, best case, you die happy.
@Akira No matter which route you take into getting married it is a hard one.
A poet once said, "Something as scary as marriage? Do it with another's choice. So at least you can blame them instead of yourself"
Seeing all this wild stuff on the internet has convinced me not to marry. Marriage nowadays is not even worth it.
@SirLewisHamilton It is a risky and scary gamble, yes. But def better than falling into loneliness later in life.
If you take the dating route, be prepared to go out there with your heart in your hand, every time. It is a game of love and you need to play it like a brave player.
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lime
Student
4 months ago
Your Opinion on Arranged Marriages- Over Optimism
Your Opinion on Dating - Extreme Pessimism
Why dont you look out only for your own interests instead of trying to have grand insightful visions about society and stuff. Do what you feel is best for you..
Dihaadi
Stealth
4 months ago
Bhai bhai , very heavy thread. My 2p-
If you find someone who you want to spend the rest of your life with good for you.
If you are okay without, and have purpose or not, good for you.
If you are okay being confused and non committing, good for you.
All in all, it’s a personal choice impacted by your conditioning/surroundings, level of self realisation and values. Why drag the institution of western civilisation, marriage or even dating for that matter.
@Dihaadi 💯 agree. Finding your own peace and rest is the game.
Most people whoever aren't very mature for their age (Even at 28) and aren't able to see through how their needs change with age which the older generation having been through these phases of life is able to.
People who don't see through that end up with a bad midlife crisis, devoid of necessary rationalisations to maintain that peace / fulfilment in life.
Dihaadi
Stealth
4 months ago
I’ve seen worse 40 year olds 😂, age and its perceived correlation with wisdom is also one of the issues at hand here.
Marriage in the current context is itself a failed system now, having no tangible benefits. Who can you trust men and women are polygamous or polyandrous by nature. Either you live upto the expectations of your partner or they find a substitute. Then blame you for their actions. In the old days being a brahmachari meant something, now you'll just be laughed at, in case of the ladies chastity was valued and was considered a gift that she'll give something to her partner for life, now it's lost at OYOs during 18th birthday celebrations. Just say one word and male chauvinist or feminist come running at your throat. So who's to blame, we call our own parents outdated. Now some will say I'm not like that, Good for you if you're not, but if you see for the majority it's true. People are addicted to P**n which is a Cancer that rots you're mind. Mistreating women is celebrated in the name of gender equality, women acting like mindless weirdos who objectify themselves are considered independent. It's a messed up society. Not to say that the IPC is more stringent towards men compared to women. This actually started from the effects of negative westernization. We Indians are addicted to the western people, what ever they do is a thing of beauty, any one speaking English gets brownie points any one speaking native is considered uneducated, any one wearing western clothes is a gentleman anyone wearing a dhoti is a countryman, a lady in saree is considered aunty while one wearing a corporate suit or jeans is considered cool or modern, so we have in essence ignored our own culture to adopt a failed system from overseas that's inevitably the path to our own decadence. This is the sad truth.
I think the social media has played a big part init. Setting unrealistic expectations in terms of looks, lifestyle etc & seemingly providing hundreds of “options” or atleast the perception of having many options ready on bench.
The global connectivity, social network & all the bs has come at the cost of solitude & peace of spending a happy life in a small bubble, which was imo a better way from individual pov, from evolution pov maybe this is how we have advanced historically, going out & intermingling outside our bubbles.
@Avg_iitiim_guy 💯. We are the experimental generation. The next ones are gonna be dating some AI bots. Laughs on them.
Abundance of choices can often paralyze us. This psychological phenomenon, known as the "paradox of choice," suggests that the more options we have, the longer it takes us to make a decision hence people are getting married late nowadays. Dating is correct or incorrect depends on the person rather process itself.
One of the best post i came across ! Being 26 and single.. this hits even harder. I’ll die alone 🫠
I want to date. Anyone available who is an intellectual and not into the aesthetics of society. She should not be into family etc.
@ScentedDoor Mostly a phase of life thing.
<25 and young most women and men aren't looking for family. and are being coerced by family to marry.
25>, esp 28+. Everyone says they want tot get married.
By 32, all guys and girls really want bebes
Go out and touch some grass instead of being on the american internet all day and applying American praxis to India
tbh, P##n culture has ruined lives and expectations out of relationships.
Population should decrease otherwise humans will exploit all resources and eventually kill the planet.
No matter the ism, the world population is too much, that will create more unemployment, corruption, crimes, wars. That’s why third world countries are highly populated and they migrate to places which are developed and low populated.
I’m 25 and after reading this post and comment section. I think I’ll die alone 😭
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