I know I am not a good person and I am at peace with it

+1...  If my "college me" sees the "today me", it won't even recognise me. Corporate world changes you. Beyond recognition. 
I know the coworker is talking to me at the same time planning how to pull me down, I know my manager smiles at me to get his work done, he will throw me out when I cease to be usefull. I know the society is measuring me only by the size of the wallet. I know my identity is the pant I wear, car I drive and house I live.  May be beacuse as a man this is our life. 

But again, I do the same to the society. Am guilty too but have made peace with this.

Consultant

Software Engineer

I believe I am  
 How else would you sleep at night 🤷‍♀️

It's 3:35 and I am up. So am I bad?  
 Or bad day?

There is nothing like good person or bad person, it depends on the perspective of people, you should just treat everyone with respect and care, rest all is not in your hands

It depends on what is your definition of good and bad, and according u categorize, sometimes we might cross the line, but thats how it is

Software Developer

I am bad person for society and good for my families and that’s matter the most for me ☮️

Account Executive

Lead Data Scientist

What is good to you may not be good to someone else, even the close ones. What matters is do you love yourself, are you kind to yourself, and gratitude for whatever you have. That's all. Rest everything will fall in place.

Product Manager

Founder

Yes, so good that I feel people are using me 🥲

Just walk on the path of spirituality and you will awaken.

Finance Operations

As there is saying in hindi...insaan accha ya bura apne karmon se banta. So if you know you never hurt someone intentionally or unintentionally...

Tech Lead

Maybe being good or bad doesn't matter. The only thing that matters is how good/bad behaviour impacts others. If the impact or damage is not significant then that behaviour can be labelled as good.

Site Reliability

Welcome to Confessions's Private Community

Deep down, do you think you're a good person?

Deep down, do you think you're a good person?- Grapevine

Welcome to Office Gossip's Private Community

Most corporate jobs tend to make you less of a human being.
The pressure and competition make you shout at your subordinates, backstab your colleagues, and play politics.
No matter what comes your way, don't give in to pressure.
being a good human being is not a barrier to success, it's actually a key component of sustainable, meaningful success. When we prioritize empathy, kindness, and integrity, we build strong relationships, foster a positive work culture, and create a legacy that truly matters.

Don't stop being a good human being; your progress won't be affected. Success that makes everyone hate you will be of little value.
After all, success at the cost of relationships and respect is a hollow victory."

Keep shining, you are making it easier for others to find their way.

Strive to remain a good human being.

Customer Service

What qualities in anyone tell they are genuinely a good person?

Growth Manager

Symptoms of being ‘too nice’ to people at work:
- Overuse of gratitude words like Thank you, please, could you, kindly, etc on all forms of communication at work.
- Registering your reactions like thumbs up & clap to literally every chat message in slack/teams/discord channels at work.
- Praise excessively on meetings like retrospectives, etc.
- Replying ‘thank you’ to every individual person who wished you or congratulated you for some occasion, especially in WhatsApp groups.

Have you ever introspected why you are ‘too nice’ to people instead of just being ‘nice’ to people?

Are you too nice to people at work?

Yes. 
 It's a behavior that was very encouraged when I was a junior - managers and founders loved that somebody was nice, would follow their word, and deliver 
  
 As I have grown in the last couple of years within companies, it's becoming a curse. Getting work out of people requires you to sometimes break that habit. I've also been given feedback that I don't speak up when I'm supposed to. 
  
 Nice to the point where you're doing disservice to your work is not nice 
  
 In case anybody went through this, it would be really helpful to hear how you broke it

Analyst

Software Architect

Welcome to Indian Startups's Private Community

If you turn 30 you considered as old and if you die at 30 you’re told too young. Don’t let anyone pressure you.

Hypocrisy or Truth??

I know it’s a very common question, and impossible to know or answer.
But curious how you folks here rationalize the meaning of life.

Add your age if that’s okay, for good measure

For me: I’m 27, my life’s purpose (or so I think) is to build something that helps a whole lot of people have a better life. And it is to make the people around me - family, friends, strangers happier (the scale of which depends on how successfully I pull this off).

Whats yours? Would love to engage on this :)

Thread: What do you feel is your life’s purpose?

Do you really need one? 
 Existence is a gift, just enjoying it should be enough.

Corporate Strategist

Write about a time you made someone feel very nice. Hopefully it can be a collection of ideas that others can take forward. If somehow a few people do something nice as a result, that would be powerful.

To start with an example: Bought a laptop for my grandfather because he wanted to continue working post 60. Helped him learn Excel, Gmail, Chrome browsing over many days. He really picked it up, and works as a consultant for new companies in the industry he worked all his life.

Good people of Grapevine: What's the nicest thing you've done for someone? (family/friends/a stranger) 🍀

You know its the small things that you do everyday that matter - giving your staff an off when they ask and not cutting their pay, feeding stray animals, quietly paying the bill when you know the other person is struggling financially, not haggling with street vendors for 100rs (when you’re paying 800rs to eat popcorn in PVR), changing the topic of conversation when you realise someone is feeling uncomfortable yet cannot say in front of others… we all need high empathy skills 🙏🏻

Senior Designer

I have lost all the trust and dont even trust my shadow  anymore.

But then,
Human relationships thrive on trust.
Its forms the fulcrum of every bond.


This puts me in a difficult situation where I cant offer trust but seek a deeper and lost lasting connection

I just feel that people leave me.
Most of them did,
When I hit my low.

But as they say,
The comeback has to be stronger than the setback. I am moving towards bigger things in life and am still haunted by this fear of not being able to connect.

Crippling Trust Issues : Why cant I connect with fellow humans?

Data engineer

This is basically a question about whether you guys always judge people around you like in any place you have been (office, parties,parks etc) and does any of their behaviour, personality, clothing, appearance (good or bad) stuck to your subconscious mind. And does this thing that went into your mind about so and so person stop you from talking to them or they talking (initiated by them) to you or maybe from you becoming friends with them.

And since you all are adults has this behaviour changed over the years as you are growing in age. Would love to know your perspectives on this topic. Thanks!!.

Do you always judge people?

I have been a little caught up with numerous things in my life lately and have finally found some free time to open up myself to new experiences. 

I had a wishlist of shows and movies that I wanted to watch but as soon as I start watching them, I get bored and feel like turning it off. 

No, its not the content
No, its not the genre
No, its not the actors
No, its not the taste either

This is pretty ironic as considering the fact that I have spent a fair share of my youth chasing academics and career, my heart had always craved for life experiences. I had to let go of the woman I loved simply because I was too focussed on my JEE. I wont be able to forgive myself for that EVER. It almost felt like I had lost a limb, without which , I would be rendered disfunctional. Thats a separate story tho.

Nothing excites me (yep nothing)
Nothing amuses me 
Nothing feels lively

I have no clue where my life is headed

I understand that as we age, our triggers of happiness change. I have put concious efforts into knowing what those new triggers are. But I cant find any plausible sources of happiness.

I am performing pretty well with my career.
Even got a double digit hike.
But didnt feel that kick of joy.

Have I approached a dead end?

Losing Interest In New Things

Connecting with people these days is like meeting them with a mask on. What are some questions to understand people better and talk about their perspectives around life, thoughts and intellectual life. One question i can think is to ask “What does success mean to you?”.

Can you share some good and in depth questions to ask?

What are some questions one can ask to know a person better?

Welcome to Ask Grapeviners's Private Community

You meet new people - on some you cringe, some are boring, some intrigue you, some you respect, and some are intimidating

It is the intimidating lot that makes me jhzdgfhfghsjj (how do I explain this)
I feel small infront of them, even though I am not in the same room or face to face
There's an unknown fear, it feels you have to prove yourself to them (for no reason)
Somehow our brains put them on a higher pedestal for various reasons - it is different reasons for different people

Why why do I have to feel like this? 
How do I get rid of it?

Help me make sense of this

In my corporate experience, I have observed two kinds of leaders - 1) A hard task master, very high on IQ but more often than not low on EQ and 2) High on EQ, above avg on IQ. I as a manager/ leader fall under 2) and usually get work done without authority but I do experience at times, some peers and reportees taking advantage of my behaviour

 In my view, anecdotally I see type 1) leaders succeed more in corporates even if it comes at the cost of facing flak/hate from directs/indirects. One of my previous managers was unpopular for his toxicity but somehow I kind of built a decent bond with him. Once over drinks and dinner, he candidly told me, I'm not here in this organization for making friends and I'm here only to get results and he did deliver on results every year.

My question is, can type 2 leaders even climb up the ladder specially where cut throat competition exists. Sometimes I do feel I need to be more like type 1 leaders obviously not at the cost of toxicity - disrespect, shouting etc. 

What are your thoughts?

Task Master vs Empathetic leader

Program Manager

My friend was laid off and unemployed for 6+ months. I asked him twice in the first month if they need any help but they wouldn’t talk to me when I brought this up so I took the hint.
Then after 6+month when they asked me - what do I do? I gave them detailed instructions on how to work on resume with links and said consume this create a version and we’ll take it from there. They didn’t even watch the videos and I was thinking how could someone be so lazy, I was annoyed and stopped trying after 2 follow-ups. 

They finally did get a job but had to go services from a product co. A downgrade in company quality. 

There have been ups and downs in our friendship but recently whenever I needed their help they’d offer it and help me understand things even when I didn’t know what I needed. Context is emotional intelligence and understanding other people’s POV - at which they’re much better than me. And this too when many others wouldn’t even tell me these things on asking straight up - because it’s basic common sense. It’s not for me, everyone has their strengths and weaknesses.

And even though they’ve done very petty things in the past, they already helped me twice in a month and I feel awful - I could’ve been a much better friend when they were unemployed. I could’ve invited them to a cafe and worked on their resume together.

I’m feeling bad that I didn’t realise I could be a better friend until I was shown what it is to be one. That makes me selfish and I’m ashamed of this. In a way I didn’t do it purposefully, I didn’t have the EQ to empathize with their mindset and what they’re going through when being unemployed.

in the end a friend in need is a friend indeed,
I’ve realised I’m selfish, not just this but other things that were much more obvious than this. I look at things in angle where I see what do I have to gain. I grew up poor so this mentality is a side effect.

Your thoughts on this and what it means to be a good friend? Any other friendship stories/lessons?

Friend’s unemployment and friendship

Product Marketing Manager

Hi Grapeviners, I don’t think I’m a bad person but I do consider myself superior to some friends from same background who I earn a lot more than. 

Do you also feel this superiority, or are you indifferent?

Be Honest: Do you feel superior to your friends who have a lower CTC?

I don't know if this post would make sense, but does anyone ever wish they were less? Less competent, less "bright", less "smart"? I'm not being braggy but I am pretty smart (not book smart but smart smart) and while objectively I am doing pretty good, I just constantly feel like I'm not living up to my fullest potential!

Should I be on the lookout for a better job (the present one is fine) or preparing to study more or, I don't know, to scale and scale? It feels like everyone has such high expectations of me and I hate making mistakes, even if it is a typo in a document

The anxiety that I'll never live up to my potential becomes so crippling, it becomes counter productive and like Dr. Strange, I forseen like a 100 different possible outcomes of every decision because I can't seem to turn my brain off! Ignorance is bliss and I so wish I could be ignorant

Does anyone ever wish they were... Less?

Lawyer

Ignoring foreign countries - I am sad when I saw people in India adoption non veg habits- 

I didn't understand when people are eating so they don't even realise pain, emotions, soul, that animal also a mother or father of small babies who wanted to live in fresh air and enjoy with their parents.

When I saw Animal i feels proud because we are so strong we are so configured and gifted beautiful hand eyes and legs gifted by our god and mother so it's our duty to help and support speechless animals who can not enjoy life like ours, Now humans thinks we are so smart and can kill any animal and enjoy the taste.

Animal waste thrown directly to river and harm for everyone - species living in water and same water we are drinking, In cities every dustbin is full of death bodies of innocent animals eaten by Humans.

In today's era where we are talking about space, chat gpt,12 Lane highways Development, Artificial intelligence 

So why not we can create artificial alternative food of non veg and essences and stop pouring blood of innocent animals in Sewage System.

And we can concentrate planting trees for better tomorrow for our child instead, Appreciate green farming instead of poulatary farming.

Be Human, Be Humble, Be Creator over Destroyer- Take Care.

Rising non veg culture in india

UX/UI Designer

Will entertain only serious questions that respect anonymity. I don’t mind humor, but trolling is strict no no.

Conducted one AMA session last week & was overwhelmed by both number & positive feedback. I might choose to skip any question repeated from last time.

Some things about me
- I love to code & go beyond coding
- Managed a team of around 20 people before
- I love mentoring people
- Presently overseeing the architecture and lifecycle of a suite of products

Don’t mind me giving you some useful gyan 😀

Presently Senior Architect, previously Engineering Manager, 18+ yoe in software engg. AMA

Welcome to Software Engineers's Private Community

A lot of noise around AI taking coding jobs, which i fear might be real. Like not completely but you get my point. So how should one upskill themselves (especially the average folks, top 1/2% will not be affected in any field imo) for the upcoming shift? Like will data analytics/science or maybe ai/ml engineering jobs be on rise ? Should be start upskilling in those fields or any other suggestions? I would really like to know it from someone who has good experience in the industry or someone with good insight. Thanks

Deep down, do you think you're a good person?

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