UX/UI Designer

Consultant

No, this is bad feeling. Feels like someone placed a big stone on my chest.

Product Manager

Senior Associate

This feeling in my chest is disgusting. I hate it. I do I get rid of it

This feeling.

This feeling.- Grapevine

I really feel like doing a lot, but at the same time, I don’t feel like doing anything.


Does this happen to you all as well?

What kind of feeling is this?

Technical Specialist

So aaj subah, I stepped down at Nizamuddin Station and I was walking towards the Gate number 2 exit. Usi time, ek aadmi bumped into me and that bump felt very strategically planned and groped my chest. I screamed at him and then went off. Next, I was on the escalator and again he came behind me and started catcalling me ( dash is so big and stuff like that). He even started pushing my purse around to feel me. Tab hi, I confronted him again and he got defensive. I started screaming at him and called the RPF, he then ran away. I tried catching him, he fell but then ran away and I couldn't stop as I had multiple bags with me.

I feel very scared, awful and weird. I've never encountered such type of a situation.

And the man had the audacity to grope someone twice and he was a middle aged dude.

Eve teasing and Groping

Software Developer

Just sick of this shit

I've been seeing a lotta posts where men are venting about not being able to find the right girl, so just wanted to know whether it's the same for women too

Here in Bangalore its hard to find a quality guy smh, (emphasis on quality). Dating apps are a dead end and even when you have organic “meet cutes” the men end up saying they want something casual and don't want to commit. 

How do you deal with this? Or rather, how do you distract yourself from these kinda feelings?

P.S:  don't come at me saying “its harder for men” - I'm sure it is lol I just want to know if there are women who also resonate with what I feel.

Women on GV - how do you find the right guy?

Content Strategist

The obsession I regret the most in my life is the all or nothing behavior.

Where, 
- I'll apply for a job only after knowing everything there is to know for a role.  This is why I used to see people with half my knowledge applying and getting jobs and moving ahead in life. I used think it's so unfair that they achieve in all aspects of their life and I in none...
- I'll date someone only when I know I am the perfect version that I envision for myself 
- I'll only take photos when I am in my perfect shape. If I don't have 8 abs, I don't deserve photos!
- I'll stop questioning whether I am good enough only when I achieve everything else I am a loser

I just was very cruel to myself for my own imperfections!
This instilled a fear in me that shattered my spirit, self confidence and self worth.  I ended up being afraid to pick anything up. 

If I couldn't stay course in something and for some reason I wasn't able to do something for a day or 2, my perfectionism mindset said, that's it, I am a failure and I thought, nothing can be done now and gave up

This resulted in I procrastinating in things. 
Why to work hard, I am never gonna make it...
I have 100 things to do in life else I am failure but I don't have time to do all that in this lifetime. Perfectionism results in not doing anything!

After meeting people, self introspection and podcasts from people, I realised its okay to mess up, its okay to fall down. I should dust myself off and continue! 
It is so hard now to change yourself after years of disappointment. You need so much positivity and letting go of perfectionism. You need self love and kindness... 

TLDR -
Don't be like an OCD person obsessing over things to go exactly the way they want!
Don't reject yourself due to failures/setbacks. Dust yourself off and move ahead!
It's okay to be imperfect as long as you promise to be consistent!

[Controversial Opinion] Don't chase perfectionism chase consistency. Period!

It feels really bad to read this 😔

Cloud Architect

Hi folks,
I recently got laid off from a startup where 50% of the engineering team was let go. I was working as an SDE and during a restructuring, my role was changed to SDE-2 without any increase in pay or responsibilities. I have a total of 2.5 years of experience. In my first company (where I worked for a year), there weren't many projects, so I didn't have the opportunity to learn or code much. However, in my second company, I primarily worked on the backend using Go, Django, Kafka, MongoDB, & PostgreSQL.
I realize that although I gained exposure in my second job, I didn't delve deeply into the technologies. I mainly focused on completing business tasks quickly, learning new things just to finish the task at hand, without solidifying my understanding afterward.
My experience seems suitable for an SDE-2 role, but I'm unsure if I can perform the role with complete honesty and may struggle. Some friends in similar situations reassure me that this struggle is common in SDE-2 roles. However, I feel I might be better off starting again as an SDE-1, focusing on my weak areas, and aiming for a promotion later. There are very few SDE-1 job openings currently.
I am actively interviewing for SDE-2, and not able to clear system design interviews. Tbh, I feel very humiliated as when I am not able to answer their questions it feels like I am wasting their time or they would be thinking: Oh this guy has been working for so long and doesn't even know anything.

Now I get it why people think Indian Software engineers are not that good in comparison to other countries' devs: the reason is people like me. 
This realization burdens me with guilt, occupying my thoughts constantly. However, I am confident that I can crack SDE-1 easily. I have good DSA & good enough LLD, &HLD skills for SDE1. I am looking for companies who can match my prev Salary: 22 L, 2 Bonus.
Can u help how to navigate this career situation effectively without increasing my guilt or feeling constantly humiliated?

Laid Off | Stuck Now | Too Anxious | Please guide

First work on the feeling of humiliation and self worthlessness. Don't ignore this, I've done it and it's one of my biggest regret. Working on this will feel a waste of time initially given job search is highest priority, I assure you your future self would thank you.  
  
 Now you are clearly very self aware, most incompetent people don't even know their shortcomings. And you know what, many comparatively incompetent people are making much more money, having much less self doubt and just living more - it's like being more self aware is a curse.  
  
 How do you get out of this curse? It's a slow process. Write down the things that make you feel that way, come up with an an action plan on what you could do to reduce that - clear goals and actions always relive anxiety. Writing things down is extremely important, keep coming back to it whenever you feel the same way, eventually you would reason your way out of this. Most of the time you are in a loop, living in guilt and self doubt for the same reasons over and over. Documentation of these feelings over time will make it look so silly, how could the same problem give you so much mental pain again and again.  
  
 You will do just fine career wise. With a few more years of experience, I can guarantee you will evolve over time, the problems giving you so much mental pain would seem very trivial then - that if you are able to resolve these feelings - otherwise it's a hell I wouldn't want for my worst enemies.  
  
 Some questions to ponder over -  
 1. Can you do the job search while being just a little gentle on yourself? 
 2. Does failure mean you have no worth? Can you fail more gracefully?  
 3. Does 2.5 years of mistakes(even if it see that way) mean you can't do amazing things in coming years? 
 4. Above all, does feelings of humiliation and worthlessness help you in any way? If nothing else changes, wouldn't it be better to just be a little gentler on yourself? 
  
 Take care, you don't have a career problem, a mental health one instead

Software Engineer

I never had a gf in my life. Loved lot of girls, asked 2 but was rejected. Still looking for someone, although nothing solid yet.

But now I have grown paranoid of relationships.  Now I don't believe if someone will love me back. If I do find someone who shows interest, I feel like they will leave me eventually so I don't go ahead. 

I am stuck in a catch 22 situation, I cannot trust someone but I also need someone. I have tried telling myself that I don't need anyone, I should focus on my goals and dreams. And I do focus, but then it comes back to me. I get lovesick and I can't go on. I exercise daily, work on daily tasks, practise for interview as I am planning to switch, play badminton with friends. And still when the day ends, I feel need to hold hands with someone. Don't misunderstand this for loneliness, I love being alone and I prefer to be that most of the time. When I want to have some company, i go eat, play with friends. I have tried finding different cures for this feeling, like exercise, games, friends but nothing has worked out yet. 

It's not even sadness, it's just empty void. 

How do you get rid of this emotion?

How to not be needing someone

Systems Engineer

Welcome to Software Engineers's Private Community

Have lately been exploring switching out from Uber to early stage startups. Exploring founding engineer roles / CTO roles with people I know well

The worst of it has been just the fact that our salaries are hard to match (even with Cash + ESOP, no matter what you do)

Like I know you need to be okay with less cash. But I now feel that it’s such a jump down, I wonder if it makes sense.

And then this feeling forever makes me averse to trying out something big, risky, bold.

It’s a catch-22 situation lol

Uber feeling like a CTC trap and it is ruining my life

Security Engineer

Hi everyone,

I am an employee at a Big Tech Firm, and doing quite well at my job. I have few friends of mine, who are active on LinkedIn and Twitter, and use the company's name extensively and make posts and gain followers. I sometimes feel jealous of these colleagues and feel worthless due to them. Even though I am doing well than them in the job, sometimes I just can't stop feeling jealous. Any suggestions on what I can do?

Feeling worthless

I will complete 3 years as a professional soon. Quit a Big4 to join a startup for better pay and faster growth but despite putting in my best work and leading initiatives, going above and beyond all the time, my peers are all earning better than me doing similar jobs.

i never had a financially aware upbringing. my father put us through hell due to his bad decision making and despite me being very financially savvy, am unable to save any money because im so anxious I tend to spend what I dont have. i had to take up a lot of freelancing to aid my lifestyle but now im busy all the time and have no time to myself. 

idk what to do. idk how much savings my parents have since I live away from them and dad never discusses his larger financial plans with me. he also does not have a stable job even at his age even though I know he is v hardworking and does his best. i feel i will never have enough money to support my parents and myself and feel like im running out of time. also doing interviews to leave this shitty company as well which is lowballing tf out of me. im not sitting idle at all, trying to startup on the side as well. i workout, eat and sleep healthy, have a great social life. the only problem is money which im constantly worrying about. i feel its a generational curse passed down to me. I know I have 10x earning capabilities but its all so vague and uncertain. I have an amazing support system and I know I can talk to my friends about this too. just thought of coming here first

please share stories if youve ever felt this way. open to advice feedback ideas. how did you get out of it? what can I do? 

what are some business/sales roles that pay really well that I can get into as an ex-big4 analyst? i dont think my current profile translates well anywhere. f*ck this company honestly. probably the worst decision I made coming here :(

[rant] 24 year old anxious about his financial future

Marketing Associate

I am a budding s/w developer. Out of my curiosity and zeal to learn and to sharpen my skill i built  a product delivery framework for the organisation I worked on contract for the past 2 years. Which somehow went on to have a bigger impact on the organisation's product delivery timelines. I thought I had accomplished something today with my ability but then came a shock to me. My reporting  manager who i used  get approval for having few permissions from the upper management for implementing such a framework has procured  the documentation of the framework and pitched the framework among the pm as it was his own idea and effort even he changed the documentation author to his name( that org hardly writes docs for their products) and pitched the framework accross the org and got all the appreciation without putting any effort into it. 

This is a great learning for me and a good experience for the people who are reading it. My advice to young s/w engineers whichever org you work your idea and thinking will be fresh and innovative It's better to  save your idea and effort for the later stages of your career in the org  once you get some sort of ownership on what you work so that you can't depend on your levels who just approach you in the intention to steal your efforts always. 
True hard work always has a reward.


You thought I was ending it here but no . I had plotted plans to screw him over stay tuned...

Phase of my work i am hating right now.

Welcome to Confessions's Private Community

So that's what that feeling is?

Last year i moved to a product based company from a service based so naturally the first 6 to 7 months were hard on me in terms of not only learning the work culture but also understanding complex systems. Then when i started to get a grab on things i was shifted to a new team. Where it did not take me much time to get a hold of things as i had now understood the nature of my work. But during my annual performance review my manager comes up and tells me that you are being judged for the entire year and he absolutely hammered me in my review. To make matters worse he even told me of a PIP that i was going to be pit into. Now at this point i know that the work is not that difficult for me as i  own a module which i have slogged on for the last 6 months. I feel cheated and sad as my performance is not bad rather it is good. Even he acknowledged that but still he is doing this. What should i do? I have been feeling absolutely gut punched and have lost my confidence i know myself that i had faced problems initially but that was due me trying to figure out how things work but since i was dumped into another team my visibility got 0. He does not even know who i work with or reviews my work, and yet he is adamant on putting me in a PIP. I want to resign and leave. For the last 3 months i have worked for min 10 hours and this is the reward i get for putting in all the effort.

Any suggestions would help

Feeling down

Backend Engineer

At the risk of sounding weak, this has become more and more rampant with me.

It feels as if I am living someone's elses life.

Somedays I just feel like living a life thats pointless. These are the days when I feel very prone to these emotional impulses of sudden "lonlinesss" (despite having few of the most amazing people in my life) or "emptiness" or "anti-gratitude/self-destruction". So much mental lethargy behing these useless chain of thoughts.

Am I the only one? Have I lost it? Am I sensitive? Is it a bad thing? Am I overworked? Am I too critical about my thoughts? 

Man this is so confounding.

How to control sudden outbursts of emotional anxiety ?

Data engineer

My contract was terminated last month citing restructuring.
Honestly, I saw it coming but wasn't expecting it would hit like this

I tried keeping my mind distracted, but now it has started to sink

I live with parents and they aren't saying anything (they were feeding me before and still are, no change for them)

I have had thoughts of ending all this, but do not have the courage. What if it ends halfway and I am redundant my whole life?

Credit card bills are coming through now and being 42% of my ex-salary wasn't something I was prepared for. I thought I was a sane spender.

How did you tackle being laid off?

Keep looking around, apply and eventually you're bound to get a good job I promise you. Just treat it as a numbers game. Ask your parents help with the credit card bills if you don't have enough corpus, there is no shame in that. You can give the money back to them when you're in a better position. 
  
 You're a nice person from what I know of you in this platform, you got this sis! Ending it all is not a good option for the people who care about you, and you're probably gonna look back later and smile and be glad for making it through

Application Analyst

Being self-aware, I understand how privileged I am. In spite of whatever is happening in the startup ecosystem, most of us are extremely privileged. 

WFH when it rains or when you are not in the mood to come to the office. 

Salary comes on time

Have AC homes and offices

Delivery apps like Zomato, Amazon, Big Basket to get so much work done. 


I feel extreme levels of guilt when I see blue collar folks slog themselves throughout a day to get meagre pays. Sure, their work is not intellectually challenging but extremely physically challenging. The kind of physical activity that they have to do irrespective of what weather it is just pains my heart. 

I know that this divide has been there for centuries and will remain in the future too. I try to help them wherever I can. This is a problem that for sure cannot solve for everyone ever. 

Want to understand how I can overcome this guilt that I have?

This feeling.

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