Mostly a rant but I guess also a cry for help that I have been subduing for a long time now.
I have never felt alone at times in my life as well as lost, but they have always been at 2 different times. Never together. Always it has been a purpose or the company I am in (not work, social circle) that kept driving me forward. At times both.
But now, its neither.
Ever since I was a kid, I had dreamt up a picture of my bachelor life.
A great social circle of close friends. A place to live in most comfortable way possible. Finances so stable that I don't have to think twice before getting something I wanted and felt needed. Working or doing something that kept me excited for it.
And here I am today, sitting and wondering, I have achieved just the 2nd part of it. Everything else is still a dream.
I lost the close knit friend circle and I think its a huge list of misunderstandings and small mistakes that caused it and I can't see a way back. Financially, I have no savings and I have spent money like there is no tomorrow for past 5 years. I have a job that doesn't drive me at all, while just 2 years back I was excited to face the new challenge I am gonna get the next day.
I have no idea what to do and where to go.
I feel in my gut that this is going to be a similar phase in my life that I have faced before. This may go on for the next 1 to 2 years and then I would emerge out of it and value what I have more than ever.
But still this phase eats at the inside of me at times and I just feel empty.
Thanks for reading till the end.