If your parents place is nearby, do visit twice a month, If your company is in a hybrid as of now, try to stay with them when you are working from home. Take long offs for festivals(I took 15 days work from home until today for diwali and went to my home town)

Software Engineer

You are lucky you have so much love for them. Idk maybe I'm cursed i just don't like them much

Product Manager

I’m at massive man. Not being able to be there for parents in a city far away from them. Drives so much anxiety and sadness

Software Developer

Welcome to Mental Well-being's Private Community

Guilt of not taking care of parents due to office work and other responsibilities

Operations Manager

Guilt of not taking care of parents due to office work and other responsibilities- Grapevine

Welcome to Office Gossip's Private Community

It's for the people who stay away from their parents for work.

How do you deal with this guilt of leaving your parents behind when they need you the most? Also, if you have done something regarding this, please mention.

Guilt of staying away from ageing parents

Hey folks,
I’ve taken few leaves to connect with family and relax but I’m feeling guilty for not working. 
I see slack and emails being exchanged and that makes me feel I’m not doing enough and it will impact my appraisal. 
So essentially I’ve taken leaves but unable to enjoy which was the purpose of taking leaves. Does anyone else relate to this? 
How do y’all cope with this? Any tips?

Feeling guilty about not working on a leave.

Growth Manager

Folks who live away from their parents, how do you take care of them?
I recently shifted to Blr, parents live in NCR - In college I was a day scholar and also I don't have any siblings.

Taking care not in terms of monetary help, but rather physical and emotional help - like being present there when they need me.

Taking care of parents

Associate

Welcome to Moving Abroad's Private Community

Question came up because it’s Independence Day 🇮🇳
A lot of us have had the privilege to be able to go abroad, but ended up choosing not to.

For me, it was just believing there’s enough growth here in the coming few decades + friends/family

Looking to hear if the reduced brain drain is actually true, and what makes people stay.

To people who choose to stay in India, what made you stay? 🪷

For me it was the army and followed by my corporate job. I never felt like leaving the country. It’s always better to live like a first class citizen in a 3rd world country than a third class citizen in a first world country. 
  
 In addition to this, family is what defines us as Indians and that kept me hinged back home

Corporate Strategist

I found an old form from 2013, my father had sent details
Annual Income - 8L
Education expense - 2.5L

He is retired govt empl so couldn't lie on numbers

I was in top autonomous institute, and my brother in good private school in Delhi

It hits me now, how I wasted my life 'enjoying college' and thereafter
Falling in and out of love

Parents never say anything on practical topics, just regular wake up early, eat vegetables rant

I fucked my life and how

Dying in guilt

There’s a lot of time for you too do what you wish to do. Guilt and regret are temporary, your actions are kinda more important. 
  
 We will always disappoint our people as every person is different. You did what you felt gave you happiness at that point. Don’t be hard on yourself. 
  
 Your parents will eventually be the happiest when they see you chasing your dreams and goals. Don’t regret anything. Just take it one day at a time and do what feels right. 
  
 Cheer!

Brand Communication Manager

Consultant

My parents are in their 70s now, and I'm constantly worried about their health and well-being. They live in another state, and I feel guilty for not being there more often. 

How do you balance caring for aging parents with your own life and responsibilities? Any advice for long-distance caregiving? This whole situation is giving me major anxiety.

How do you deal with the anxiety of aging parents?

Welcome to Business Roles's Private Community

I grew up with a stay at home mom but I have plenty of friends who grew up with “power couple” parents. If anything, the kids with working moms were better prepared for school and were more... polished? And I know plenty of fuck ups whose retarded moms stayed at home and/or whose parents ended up in nasty ass divorces with their “helpless” moms cleaning out their dads.

I don’t think there is anything wrong with nannies and having help. You grow to love them in a different way and they give you another perspective as you grow. It’s not like kids with nannies automatically assume that their parents don’t love them, and it’s rare for both parents to be completely absent all the time unless they never wanted kids in the first place. I feel like the argument against nannies and career women is usually made from bitter people who can’t afford them

I won’t settle for someone who doesn’t have a career. Not a job, a career. Maybe she’ll make the decision to stay at home for a few years but I don’t want to bankroll the seamless and reality show watching habits of an intellectually lazy partner for the rest of my life. I’ve seen firsthand the type of woman who doesn’t want to be challenged, what happens to the men who marry them, and how their kids turn out. Fuck that noise. This isn’t the 1980s

And if you think you can maintain your lifestyle in Bangalore/Mumbai once you have kids on a single income, think again, especially when your friends have paired off with those dreaded career girls.

Power Couples?

Times are different now. Kids raised in Delhi/Mumbai don’t give a shit if you didn’t make it to their events, they give a shit if you don’t buy them the new iPhone every year or make them take the Metro/Local instead of ordering an Uber for them like their friends’ “power couple” parents.

Trust me, I’ve seen it firsthand with my useless excuse for a sister. Wasted my parents’ money on a shitty expensive degree she didn’t use before making them pay again for a shitty masters degree she didn’t use. They paid her rent and vacation bills through her 20s because she made shit in her “career” (lol) until she tricked my Brother in Law into marrying her. 

They had to move to the Greater Noida because she is both unemployable and has no desire to work, only post photos of her unruly spawn on Instagram. He has to wake up at 5am everyday to commute into the city and doesn’t get home until late. 

I’m sure she whines or cries or bitches when he does, because that is the kind of bitchy she is. He makes decent money too, so I’m sure he daydreams about what life would’ve been like if he wasn’t living in hell. Fuuuuck that kind of life, I’d rather die alone

My mother called me yesterday and tells me she got scammed for about 10 lakhs and needs money by Monday. She has 4 lakhs and I will have to cover the rest. Turns out she let a friend take a loan in her name and this friend gave fake jewellery as collateral. The friend took loans under her husband’s name and my mom’s name, she divorced the dude and escaped. The bank called my mom and has asked her to pay, now they’re filing a case against my mom for fraud.

I’ve spent my weekend talking to advocates and friends, and looks like the only way to get out of it unscathed is to cut a deal with the bank saying we’ll pay the money back and they don’t press charges in return. Contesting the bank is going to take time, money and the risk of my mom losing her job.

As an older daughter who grew up in a broken family, I’ve spent my childhood and adulthood protecting my mother and sibling. I finally landed a well paying job 2 years ago and now the responsibility extended to providing for my younger sister and my mother financially which I’m more than happy to do. I’ve worked hard the past few months to save what I have right now beyond what I give my family, use to sustain myself and finally felt happy about the position I’m in.

Now I’m heartbroken. I’m going to be emptying almost 70% of what I have so far for this for paying the bank and the lawyer. Especially for something that’s not even my mistake and something that could have been easily avoided. I’m not in a place to direct my anger at her, I know it’s a hard time for her as well. 


6 to 7 lakhs might sound like a small amount to some but I don’t have the privilege to throw money like that. I don’t have fuck you money. I don’t take money from friends. I’m 25 and literally just started my life 2 years ago after working for peanuts. 

What’s even the point of working hard, leading an honest life if this is how it works? It’s just truly unfair and I don’t know how to deal with it.

I wish life was a little easier and I just need to vent

Me too venting in this space.. 
 //Start if rant 
  
 My father too was frauded by a builder whom we had entrusted building flats on our plot of land. Fcker took booking amount from multiple people and left construction, claimants now coming after us saying its our responsibility to refund even though my father didnot recive any amount. 
 I had to take 18 lakhs loan for my father to complete construction and am all the time calling advocates in assesing risk from claimants who come barging at our home and building site with threats of filling FIR. 
 Every month my one third salary goes in Loan amount, had got a ideal wlb good paying job 2 years back after battling unemployment and low pay for many years. 
 Had planned to take wife and kids on vactaions for making up for lost time but now struggling to fulfill basic needs for family, forgot about vacations. 
 Have taken risk and moonlighting but it becomes hell on days when there is clash between jobs and sometimes lash out on my kids and wife and parents and then get hit by double guilt of not being strong enough.  
 Dont have any backing to face cheat builder who has backing of police and politicians, claimants coming after us as they have recognized us as soft target. 
 Preparing for 10 lakhs more expenses in multi year litigation trying to probe my fathers innocence. 
 Fcking jealous relatives enjoying all this from distance. 
 Fck this world. 
  
 //End of rant

I started working in an early stage startup this year in jan, moved out to bangalore(which I wanted to, since my 3rd year) for it. Now, i had to find a new role recently because things didn't work out, I was so scared that I might have to go back home if I didn't get a new job in time.
I did get a new role which is remote and started this month. But even though I always wanted to move away from all the chaos of my dysfunctional household (while still supporting them in all the ways i could) and make a life for me, I now feel if I am betraying them by living here, some of my friends also are doing wfh and that's also nudging me towards this thought.
This is the first year of my full-time employment and I'm in a dilemma of what's important career-wise and responsibility-wise.

Guilt of staying away from home with a remote job

Welcome to Software Engineers's Private Community

I have been wfh for than a year now, my parents would keep ordering me to do small household work even when I’m working. I have asked them not to do that as it distracts me, but they will not simply listen and even scold me and compare me with others that they help their parents 😅

I have thought about just going to a different city and wfh from there but my parents are also getting old so have to think about that also.

People who are WFH, how do you stay focused in work when your family members / parents keep distracting you?

I distract myself scrolling reels, who else can distract me 😭

Elders leaving the home do not realise the void they leave behind
How did you, at such young age, manage life - new experiences, body changes, parents' attention

Ques to Younger Siblings: How did you manage life when elder ones left home for study/work?

I know this is not what majority of people like to listen, but for people coming from other cities with no friends and poor social skills, working remote or hybrid starts taking a toll on your mental health. 

The isolation it brings is so overwhelming. You feel trapped and frustrated, when there's no one to talk to.

Sometimes, I feel the quality of life of our kind of lower than street vendors at least they have people they can talk to. I just hate the way we are wired to be social animals yet find it overly difficult to connect with people.

Unpopular Opinion: I prefer Work from Office

If you are early stage of your career if you don't have responsibility at home you should come to office it's a healthy approach but for people like me who has already spend more than a decade in office life and has a small child at home working for home is like a saviour for me and my wife

Senior Engineer

Hi Grapeviners, I don’t think I’m a bad person but I do consider myself superior to some friends from same background who I earn a lot more than. 

Do you also feel this superiority, or are you indifferent?

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