Matrimony Apps Saga
from a guy's point of view: 1. You will get rejected by girls you want and you will reject the girls who want you, it's an endless cycle. 2. Caste/religion/job/location/money/face : everything matters. 3. When you start talking to a girl, assume she is already talking to 5 guys at least, that's how it works. 4. All the things you want in a person, will start vanishing with each person you talk to, so don't be rigid. You don't know what you want, it will keep changing. 5. People are going to lie about their age/salary/past etc, do your due diligence properly. They are going to pretend to be someone they are not. 6. Be ready for rejections and getting ghosted, hearing absurd rejection reasons. 7. They like to keep their options open, you are not their first priority, sooner you find that out the better or you need to put efforts to become their first priority. 8. Keep your expectations to a minimum, otherwise it will become the reason behind your frustrations. 9. Don't be desperate. Keep your attention to a limit, if you gave too much, then you would come off as desperate and not likeable. How to deal with it? 1. It is what it is. 2. If it didn't work, it wasn't meant to be. 3. No effort is a sign of no interest, stay away from such people. They are putting effort for someone else. If you have someone in your life, keep them close, put in efforts, don't come to matrimony apps.
samosa
Stealth
2 months ago
No matter what people say, your best chance to find someone is in your office, you just need to know how to approach it and manage it.
how to approach without coming out as a creep or POSH? what if she thinks school college is for studying and office is for work only?
IamBiztech
Student
2 months ago
May be those girls remember the line from school pledge - India is my country, all Indians are my brothers and sisters 🤔
See more comments
Having gone through the ordeal myself I would suggest to not rush into things. Every one gives a very rosy picture on their social media, and online profiles. Let it be a natural process and stay the f away from profiles who ask to move fast and get married within a few months. It is a possible red flag.
@FittingFire I agree with you. But other perspective can be taken. People who ask to move fast maybe are those who have already lost time. They might be the most reliable candidates (ie not wasting time and seeing the prospective candidates seriously). I believe we should know a person for minimum 6 months before thinking of marriage. I should be knowing what the guy does in his 24 hours to know his lifestyle, preferences, schedule. However, there is no guarantee on such wedding platforms that I am the only one who is “seeing” the other person. He might be having multiple prospective candidates. So at the start of the process itself, it feels weird.
See more comments
Very well put. Going through the same ordeal now. Just want to add this: folks will have some problem with almost everything.
a) if you are earning big, lack of time for "other stuff in life" is an issue
b) job location is an issue. If it's MUMBAI, they prefer Bangalore. if it's abroad, they prefer staying in India
c) having some dependents is an issue. You can't have a sister (married / unmarried)
Girl's parents want a highly qualified, high-earning, good-looking guy with decent generational wealth. while the girl wants you to have a chill life, have loads of hobbies, "be friendly, have a good sense of humour, be jovial / not too serious, be okay with making 2-3 international trips a year". FML
Umadbro
Stealth
2 months ago
This is pretty much gold digger territory. The sooner you identify it the better, given it will result in so much frustration.
Sharing a girls perspective - Tbh, it's quite similar for us women
- Guys have absurd expectations
- Will reject you for the most silliest reasons
- Guys want to sleep with you and then ghost you or reject you (yes that happens through Matrimonial sites as well)
- Are talking to multiple people, so it's like a lucky draw
- With every guy, the bar keeps getting lower
The bigger problem is:
- People lack clarity on what they really want or are seeking, they either don't know or fail to communicate what they want, or afraid to say the truth cos it takes courage to say 'no' backed by reason
- People want the other person to take the effort, but are not willing to put an effort themselves. It's got to be 50:50
- Have ridiculous expectations from the other person, and aren't willing to bend a little to accommodate
samosa
Stealth
2 months ago
Don't believe in: "you will get what you deserve", it's a lie. At the end you will lie to yourself that this is what I wanted, you might think you know what you want, but that's just superficial and according to today's you, you will change.
Also I think instead of focusing on what you want, you should narrow down on what you truly "dont want" in a person. That really helped me in narrowing down my choices. And finally, marriage, either arranged or love, its always going to be a lottery. Because you don't know how you will be after the wedding, let alone assessing how the partner is going to be.
Neo1
Stealth
2 months ago
Guys Gals, low expectations is a key.
Wish you all find your home in your partner.
Fully agreeing to the post and adding my 02 cents here:-
1. There is a theory in HR, if you want to know someone in less time then “Dine together, Travel together and then Exchange some money”. You will get to know the true character of that person. “Dine together” was shown in Lage Raho Munna bhai movie as well.
2. We do not find the right person after a certain age because we have matured differently with age and have found/adjusted ourselves to that shell. So our “basic” criteria too would not be met. We may have to lower our current “basic” as per market’s availability. Same as current hike cycles lol.
Many points are true. I m happily married but after marriage I got to know that my husband side/husband lied about my husband age, salary, education and major issues going on in their family life. Got to know everything after 1 year. My family didn't check anything as we were of exact same caste and all. So they were like everything will be true.
if you don't mind, could you please tell us the issues that you got to know? It would be helpful for us to understand what are the checks we should not miss.
I think you should focus on things which are non negotiable n basic things. Like Age, Education, Health, company in which they are working in.
These verification are important.
Apart from that check if your views are matching on children, financial planning. If both are working than obviously there will be differences of opinion on how they want to manage it. And will u be ok with that. It's for both girls and boys. Also check health goals..like do they prefer morning walk n light exercise or gym something like that.
See more comments
unpocoloco
Stealth
2 months ago
Is matrimonial that scary? 😳 That was my last hope
samosa
Stealth
2 months ago
aag ka dariya hai aur doob ke jana hai
unpocoloco
Stealth
2 months ago
Ab or ni doobne ka muje bhai. 🥲
See more comments
Ladybug
Stealth
2 months ago
Wow... you have explored the matrimony site a lot and put so much time and effort to come to the conclusion logically...hats off to you 👍...and your concern directly connects with my post..."Where to find him?" It applies for both m/f to get to know each other very well before moving to the final destination...hope you got it
samosa
Stealth
2 months ago
Also don't assume things about the other person, it's always better to ask.
samosa
Stealth
2 months ago
don't project your experience with one person on others
user_140
Stealth
2 months ago
Atleast you have got a viral blog out of it
But how can you do due diligence when people lie? Especially about their nature and past.
D0nkey05
Stealth
2 months ago
Talk to their friends, colleagues/ managers, other family members. People aren't very cautious, and things slip from their mouths. After gathering info from multiple sources, I would hope to hear a pretty good picture of who they are as a person
See more comments
After 2.5 years of paying for this shitty subscription on shaadi, I'm proud to say that I've finally found the One :) plenty of adventures, emotional draining on the wrong matches, then more drama and what not. I still pings from old matches and their parents but i got lucky sometimes and very unlucky otherwise as well.
There was a point when i was so frustrated with all this almost a year ago and used to get calls from VIP members of shaadi (the consultants who would try to poach you on behalf of the member) and i was almost about to block them but idk why i got too lazy and didn't. That one decision changed my life now and I'm so happy and grateful for my fiance, both of us took a good 8 months to know each other before getting Rokafied last week :)
Don't give up hopes, folks. I've also had multiple "breakups" and disappointments, multiple one way flight tickets to meet that girl whom i thought would be my one but they would just end up hurting me so bad that i had to get therapy for months to get over. It's hard for me to describe what i went through these last 3 years in the pursuit but all i can say is that do your best and have no regrets cuz time is running away and shoot your shot at every opportunity, you'll always look back and smile at the journey when you meet that sweetheart. I almost feel like Ted Mosvy meeting the love of her life after all the traumatic dates haha :)
Invest only as much as other is willing to invest in you .. talking as a guy .. compared to dating platform in marriage apps you have lot more control ..dnt go around simping .. have yr listing of deal breaker.. must have and good to have.. discuss on that .. and also test on those .. some girls will say yes but dnt mean it .. also check for temper .. best way ..plan a roaf trip with many friends..
Tshirt
Student
2 months ago
Noted. But which is relatively good?
Shaadi/ jeevansathi/ matrimony?
I can imagine the shit what goes on matrimonial apps. But coming from a long term relationship which turned into 2 year marriage, I just want to comment on 4th point.
Like you said, don't be rigid on things you want and definitely try not to look for stuff like income / looks etc. ( maybe use them to shortlist)
But have some non negotiable qualities you look for and prioritise what you are willing to compromise on. It's not easy, as people don't know who they themselves are and what they want in a partner. Think deeply on that.
Discover More
Curated from across
